Loss. Separation. Breakups.
All three sentiments are totally different, yet the sharp feeling of pain is somehow inevitable. Dealing with any of these requires a huge amount of emotional and mental strength which sadly does not come easy. I mean, finding the right words to describe these emotions is tough, let alone enduring the damage they cause. Thus, I have compiled a small yet powerful list of strategies, tried and tested over time, as a starting point to help anyone suffering with loss of any kind and at any stage.
- Don’t shut yourself out
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Loss can mean different things and be dealt with in different ways for different people. Many of us prefer to shut ourselves out the second something negative hits our lives. But, let me tell you, this is probably not the best coping method. By giving yourself time, you are allowing your body and mind to process what just happened, but if you decide to zone out and block everyone and everything, the pressure will build up and you may come tumbling back down. Talking to a close family member, friend or even counsellor can assist in increasing your strength to face the world in the time after something tragic happens. For some unapparent reason there is a negative stigma around crying or sharing problems with others. But, by choosing the right person to go to to vent your emotions, opening up can make all the difference.
- Recognize unhealthy attachments in past relationships
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The term ‘unhealthy attachment’ for me generally means being co-dependent and relying on others to increase your self-worth. Breaking up with someone who you have been close to for a while is challenging and breaks you, I know. But sometimes we endure hardships which force us to have a reality check: was that person the right one for you as a partner or friend? Sometimes letting go of someone makes us realise they may not have been the best thing for our mental health. Time to adjust to relying on nobody but yourself is necessary; prioritise you, because it is you who is the most important character in your own life story. If you’ve found that your sense of happiness had been dictated by that friend or ex, then I’m sorry to say that it’s their loss, not yours.
- Give it time
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Controversial opinion: time teaches us more valuable life lessons than school (I mean, most of us have never benefitted from using Pythagoras’ Theorem). What I have realised is that past me and present me feel like two completely different people, and this growth all comes down to time. The sudden shock you get when you hear news of loss can never be forgotten. So don’t expect to immediately forget. In order to move forward, take a deep breath and try to let nature take its course. Use this time off from routine reality to give yourself a break; many universities allow time off for grief, so this could be used as a chance to process what has happened and learn to live with the loss of someone special. Utilise this period for self-discovery and mindfulness, and to be grateful for those who are in your life and here to support you.
One thing to remember: every single person you meet is either a lesson or a blessing and sometimes dealing with loss and heartbreak amplifies this in our minds. If you feel too overwhelmed with the feeling of loss, whatever the cause, then please consider seeking professional guidance and help. Every university has a team of counsellors that will be able to help you through your recovery.
Sources of more information and help can be found at:
https://www.lancaster.ac.uk/student-and-education-services/counselling-and-mental-health-service/
https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/coping-with-bereavement/