Anyone who knows me well is aware of how deeply I experience the emotions I am faced with on a day-to-day basis. For me, emotion-inducing experiences are recognized instantly, felt intensely, and are often accompanied by tears. For the greater part of my life, I loathed this side of myself and considered being an emotionally vulnerable person my weakness. I came to the realization that this was not just an issue I had, but a problem for many as emotional vulnerability is often viewed as a barrier to strength. Any painful emotions I uncontrollably felt and exhibited would be instinctually met with forced suppression and self-isolation from others. I felt that the more I restrained myself from feeling things deeply, the harder it would be for them to hurt me.
It was just recently that I had a moving conversation with a friend of mine. At one point, I got overwhelmed and noticed tears begin to stream down my face. My immediate reaction was to apologize to my friend and vacate to the other room in search of solitude. Before I could act on this response, she stopped me. She expressed that I should never apologize for feeling emotions deeply and exhibiting the physical response that may come with it. She relayed the importance of accepting moments of instability and recognized the strength in allowing emotions to be shown and tears to be shed even in the presence of others. Our discussion sparked a realization in me, and for the first time made me rethink the way I viewed my own and others’ emotional vulnerability.
Seeing things in a new light, my hope is to reduce the stigma that sadly continues to surround emotional vulnerability. Being an emotionally vulnerable individual and having the ability to embrace this reality without regret is an incredibly powerful thing. I pose that we should not consider emotional vulnerability a fault, but rather a liberating and courageous process. Having the willingness to fully acknowledge and confront the emotional waves we face both productively and head on, even those that are most painful, can ultimately strengthen critical interpersonal and intrapersonal aspects of our lives.
Among many fascinating benefits, I have learned that emotional vulnerability can reduce both occasional or chronic anxiety. When an individual experiences anxiety, their brain tells them to try and avoid all possible sources of upset, particularly painful emotions. Because of this, our brain forces us to believe that the perceived threat of painful emotions are stronger than they truly are. Thus, one’s desire to suppress and avoid such emotions unconsciously heightens. This is a perpetuating cycle of anxiety and avoidance that makes the unavoidable painful emotions that ultimately break through feel far worse. One’s emotional reaction has been compounded. Individuals who refuse to put forth effort to break such a synergistic cycle tend to increase their overall levels of anxiety and emotional volatility. Being emotionally vulnerable in such a situation involves taking a step back as you begin to sense painful emotions approaching, allow them to run their course entirely, and try to internally and externally validate their existence. As you begin to practice this during both minor and major emotional disturbances, your brain becomes gradually desensitized to these moments which can lessen overall feelings of anxiety. Although this is not a simple process, it is one that can gradually condition your brain to confront rather than suppress uncomfortable emotions, making their impact less extreme in the long term. Over time, practicing emotional vulnerability alters how one’s anxiety may be unconsciously forcing them to compound painful emotions rather than confront them until they become too overwhelming to avoid.
Furthermore, when you learn how to use emotional vulnerability as your strength in fighting the anxiety that is perpetuated through emotional-avoidance, this skill can translate into the strength of your interpersonal relationships. I am personally aware of the extra layer of difficulty that comes with being emotionally vulnerable around another individual, and just recently started becoming more confident doing so in my own relationships. Implementing emotional vulnerability into your relationships creates trust and intimacy, two things that are critical in sustaining healthy connections with close friends, family members, and romantic partners. When you get caught in a cycle of suppressing your emotions in a relationship, you disable that relationship’s ability to strengthen and satisfy both parties. Neglecting emotional vulnerability can lead to unnecessary feelings of resentment, bitterness, and loneliness within one or both individuals. Furthermore, welcoming emotional vulnerability with others creates an environment that fosters honest communication and strengthens the loyalty and intimacy between you and another. Willing to put yourself out there also sends the message that it is safe for the other individual to follow suit, and lessens the stigma surrounding emotional vulnerability in relationships.
As I have recently begun the journey of embracing my own emotional vulnerability, I have picked up a few methods that have helped me in proactively handling my emotions: journaling, daily self-check ins, and therapy.
Journaling, or writing down your feelings in any form, is a transformative way to articulate, compartmentalize, and validate negative emotions through external means. Journaling is also a practice that enforces practicing emotional vulnerability in a private way, which can be an advantageous step in learning how to ultimately relay such vulnerability in the presence of others.
Another step one can take in becoming more emotionally vulnerable is to engage in daily emotional check-ins. This is a practice I began implementing in my life about a year ago, and has since become an automatic part of my day. Practicing emotional recognition means internally acknowledging any and all moments that make you feel something deviating from your usual emotional setting, and attributing those emotions to something. It is key to recognize even the smallest of emotion-inducing moments, such as the joy you felt upon finishing a work task, or the melancholy feeling that arose in you while listening to a particular song. Consistently incorporating emotional recognition in your day encourages your brain to become accustomed to the process of acknowledgement, attribution and validation. This seemingly minor method has enabled me to more easily tackle the more intense emotional waves that come my way. Daily emotional check-ins can overlap with the journaling process. While some prefer one over the other, I believe that the benefits are more impactful when each method is practiced.
Lastly, if it is available to you, reaching out to a mental health care professional is a brave and worthwhile step to becoming a more emotionally vulnerable individual with the help of another. The safe space therapy provides is an ideal environment to learn how to be emotionally vulnerable with yourself and others in a private, introspective setting.
While I encourage everyone to accept the power of emotional vulnerability, it is important to note that this does not mean wallowing in negative emotions or forcing oneself to overanalyze all emotions that come their way – something I recognize is easier said than done. I also do not urge people to force unnecessary emotions upon themselves that simply aren’t present, which would just be counterproductive.
What I do advocate is that people start seeing emotional vulnerability as a source of power, something that can progress rather than hold you back in life. Allow yourself to fully embrace all emotions that naturally arise, and to try and avoid the emotional blindspot of self-avoidance at all costs. Suppressing emotions does not diminish them, nor does it make you appear stronger to those around you.
I realize that the process of embracing emotional vulnerability can be particularly uncomfortable, painful, and gradual. That said, I assure you it will come with strengthened intrapersonal skills that will translate into your relationships and overall satisfaction with life. I have come to accept the fact that I am and always will be an emotionally vulnerable person. I am okay with this, and today view it as my strength.