Everyone has insecurities, internal and/or external, that can at times make us feel worthless and vulnerable. One of my biggest insecurities is acne/acne scars. I’ve been dealing with acne since I was in 7th grade, which was when I hit puberty and my hormones started acting up. I secreted so much oil during my puberty days, it was disgusting. And of course, as gross as it is, who can resist a good pimple-popping? I constantly touched my face to get rid of the ugly bumps, but it ended up scarring my face.
I started wearing make up when I went into high school. This was the start of my make up experiment to see what products fit my face, and what covered my insecurities up the most. Even with that, I hated talking to people. I was uncomfortable when people looked at me directly (which is the proper thing to do when talking to someone). My automatic reaction was “she/he’s looking at my pimples, I want to hide”. I wanted to turn away before they were observant enough to see the flaws on my face. Although I felt better with makeup than before, others disagreed with the choice: “You wear so much makeup.” “Your acne isn’t even that bad.” “Why do you wear makeup? It takes up so much of your time.” Okay well, sorry my skin isn’t as flawless like yours? Sorry I can’t walk out of the house comfortably without covering up my blemishes? After about 2-3 years of make up experimenting, and my hormones calming down, I settled on a makeup routine that made me feel the most comfortable.
I’ve tried many “acne treatments” such as toothpaste, salicylic acid, tea tree oil, cinnamon face masks, and even skin care. None of them worked for me, obviously. I always believed I would miraculously stop getting pimples once I became an adult, but little did I know that it doesn’t disappear the moment you turn 18.
At the age of 20, I still break out. Not ‘like crazy’ anymore, but I get a few here and there when I’m tired, or when I’m on my period. I’ve found my balance between wearing light makeup and caking my face. It is a hassle in the mornings to spend time concealing each of my blemishes, blending the foundation evenly over my scars and bumps, and keeping it in tact throughout the day. I am jealous of the girls who don’t have to wear makeup because they have flawless skin, but as tedious as it is, makeup is my way of being able to feel comfortable while going on with my day. It is my way of having to not be occupied by the thoughts of people looking at my flaws. It is my way of feeling confident. And, makeup can be fun. I wear makeup for myself, not to “impress” other people.
I’m not saying that I become this super confident person with makeup on. It just gives me the confidence boost to go out the door. And through the battling of my insecurities, I realized that the people that love you won’t be focused on your appearance. People’s opinion and acceptance of your appearance isn’t the most important thing in the world. Everyone out there has overcome/is battling insecurities, so remember that you are not alone. And a reminder to be encouraging and uplifting one another.