Dearest Tyler,
So you did it. You asked the question and I am so proud of you. Now I know what you’re thinking: “where do I go from here?” That is a great question and as your conscience I have no idea how to answer that (sorry). There are a lot of layers to any situation such as this and you’re going to find there are so many more questions moving forward. I think today we’ll start with something you’ve already sparred with a bit: masculinity.
Remember when other boys picked on you because you liked Powerpuff Girls and Sailor Moon? Or when you were 15 and growing your hair out, how your mom used to scold you for pushing your hair behind your ears because that’s what girls did? Or when she teased you quite a bit after you curiously shaved your armpits that one and only time. Those are things that girls do; you CAN’T do that because you’re a boy.
You are a boy. This much is true. A fact unaltered and impressed upon for 20 years by your parents, society, and peers. All of these rules and regulations laid out for you to follow. Work towards becoming a man! Men don’t do that…you want to be a man, don’t you?
I’m going to say something and I want you to hear me out, ok?
I think that masculinity is part of the reason why you’ve been so angry towards yourself and your appearance all of these years.
Let that sink in for a bit. Think about the ways you were told to look, act and behave with women. Thank god for your father trying to steer you in the right direction. He cared more about you expressing yourself than about your living up to societal norms. But also think about how observant you were. The TV you would watch, films, and books. Everything providing a different narrative on how to be a man or even how to treat femininity. It was exhausting, wasn’t it? You just wanted to be you, or at least who you felt was the real YOU. I think we both know this “you” is still in there, but you’re unsure of how to bring it back. It’s like when you came out as bisexual to your loved ones. You weren’t hiding anymore and you shouldn’t be hiding now.
You used to dance like no one was watching, wear whatever you wanted and OWN that shit. You would cross your legs until you were scolded: “it makes you look feminine.” So what? You liked it. You enjoyed yourself and the world you inhabited. When did all of that go away? When did you become ashamed of who you are and how you appear to the world? You don’t need to feel ashamed anymore. Live loud and unapologetically. Let go of the anxiety and the fear of being judged and dance more spirited than ever before. You still have decades to live…make something of that. Be who you’ve always yearned to be and let the world follow in their stead. We’ll talk again soon, ok?
Put on some Whitney Houston and dance today,
-Tyler