I Prayed Before & After He Broke My Heart

After he asked me to be his girlfriend, we kissed, he left, and I ran upstairs to my bedroom to pray. I could already feel myself falling for this boy that I could only call my boyfriend as of a couple seconds ago - scary, I know. 

I’ve never felt such a rush to go thank God as I did in this moment. I’d never even felt compelled to pray about a boy in my entire life, but here I was, praying to God that he was the one. So I got on my knees (which I’ve only done once before) and prayed.

“God, I’ve never done this before. I’ve never gotten on my knees and prayed about a boy. I’ve dated people in the past, but my first thought has never been to thank you. But with him, it just feels different. 

I want our relationship to reflect you. I really really like him. I might love him actually. But I’m also scared because the thought of losing him is already terrifying to me. 

I’m not really sure exactly what to say, but I know everything will go according to your plan. I want to pray that I will marry him, but is that wrong? What if that’s not in your plan? I don’t know. But God, thank you. I’m on my knees, praying about this boy because I think he could be the one, and I’m scared and don’t know what to do.”

Now, here I am. Six months after the boy I prayed that I’d marry, broke my heart. Shattered my world. Made me question God’s intentions. Six months of, “God, I thought you were supposed to protect my heart.” But, I’ve decided it’s time. It’s time to finally thank Him. 

“God, thank you for my breakup. I’m a completely different person now. I know what it feels like to fall so deeply in love with someone that it scares you. I know the capacity of love I have to give - which is bigger than I could’ve ever imagined. 

I know when it’s the right time to pursue a boy. I know how to judge whether or not someone I like is worth pursuing. Hence, why I haven’t had a “thing” with anyone since him. I’m pickier, and that’s a good thing. I know what I deserve now. I’ve lived, I've loved, I’ve lost, and I’m better for it. In fact, I'm ready to do it all over again - this time, with a different, clearer set of eyes and your guidance. 

Thank you. Thank you for letting my heart get broken. Thank you for teaching me lessons I never would have learned otherwise.”

These prayers might seem short, but they mean everything - to me and to Him. I wrote down that first prayer, asking God to keep this boy in my life forever, because I had a feeling it would mean something later, and I’m so grateful I did. I know now to never become discouraged and doubt Christ because of unfulfilled plans I have for myself. He has better and bigger plans for my life - it just might take a heartbreak or two to figure out what they are.

--

Psalm 34: 18-20

“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all. He keeps all his bone; not one of them is broken.”