Puzzle Girl

Have you ever felt the need to have someone in your life who has all the qualities you look for in a friend? Someone who makes you laugh, supports your insane ideas, understands you without you having to say a word, and would do anything for you? 

Well, worry not because I have a perfect person just for you in mind (special edition, not for sale, no refunds or exchange policy). Before you get too excited, there are some manufacturing defects. She will openly judge your life choices, bully you (helps with the character development), and have an album full of your embarrassing pictures. She makes terrible coffee, but my advice would be to keep that information to yourself. Her idea of fun is climbing mountains and would probably trade you for McDonald’s fries. It is, however, not her fault; she banged her head on the door while running to grab chocolate when she was 10 years old. 

She comes with plenty of features:

• Built-in entertainment: She consistently makes you laugh by providing a high-quality selection of lame jokes. 

• Customer loyalty: She is willing to go above and beyond for you. She will quite literally do anything for you. If you hate someone, she will hate them too, even if she has no clue about who they are. 

• High-capacity listening system: Provides consistent levels of engagement and the ability to process the same story 1000 times. After 18 years of friendship, oftentimes you run out of new things to talk about and hence reminisce about the ‘good old days’. She will listen to the same story multiple times without complaining and even dissect the same situation from a new angle with you. 

• Advanced emotional intelligence: Understands you better than most, sometimes even more so than you. She knows what you are thinking, or going to say, without you even uttering a single word; all it takes is just one look. 

• Experience enhancement: Transforms even the most mundane tasks into surprisingly enjoyable experiences. As much as she would like to deny this, she is not at all ‘nonchalant’ and keeps things entertaining by doing the most random things. 

• Shared brain cell technology: Smooth synchronization of thoughts and ideas. It’s quite romantic how she finishes your sentences and reads your mind. 

• Transparency: Is always honest with you and calls you out on your nonsense (she is always looking out for you). Even though it might feel brutal sometimes, it keeps you grounded. 

While she might be the girl of your dreams, here are some precautions you should keep in mind when in close contact with her. Do not ask her to walk for more than 100 meters, she will start complaining. Give her an iced latte as soon as she wakes up to avoid any glitches. Do not give up even after she says no to a plan 50 times; she might just say yes the 51st time, you never know.  

She is low maintenance and has a high ROI. If you are looking to sign up, the applications are currently closed. We are not looking for sale at the moment, but I do wish you good luck in finding someone just as special. This one is already taken.