The golden sunlight pours into my room through my curtains. It hits my face gently, urging me to wake up. I roll over in bed, smiling at the thought of starting my day. Stretching my entire body, I sit up and thank God for giving me another day to live life. Another day to do the things I love, to meet the people I love, and to spread joy. Still sitting in bed, I grab my Stanley Cup from my desk to take a big gulp of water and my daily vitamins. I jump out of bed, excited to see what the day holds for me. My day always starts with a jam session in the bathroom as I brush my teeth. With either a podcast or my daily playlist, I love to start my day off on a positive note. “But here’s my number, so call me maybe!” I whisper-shout not to wake my roommate up.
I turn the shower on, ensuring the water is just the right temperature: not too hot, not too cold, just perfect. Massaging shampoo into my hair, I gently scrub. Taking a dollop of my foamy body soap into my palms, I massage it onto my body, before washing it off and applying a smooth body oil. I love taking care of myself. Skincare, haircare, and bodycare are my favourite activities. Curl conditioner, body scrub, body oil, hair oil; you name it, I have it. Coming out of the shower, I look at the array of serums and creams on my sink ledge, applying each one turn by turn. Picking out my outfit for the day – a floral pattern dress – I quickly put it on, then apply my makeup. Following a step-by-step curated routine, I do the same thing I always do. Foundation, concealer, powder, pink blush, pink eyeshadow, mascara, and lipstick to seal the deal. Since I have long and curly hair, I take my time applying curl cream, along with a mousse, and then a hair gel. And then, finally drying it with a diffuser on three different settings – warm, hot, and cold. I check the time. 8 am. Perfect. I have just enough time to have breakfast before going to class.
As I step out of my residence hall, I’m greeted with the most pleasant weather. The clear blue sky, the sun shining just the right amount, and a slight breeze all make me smile. I close my eyes and stand there. Soaking in the moment, I take a deep breath. I can feel the clean air, the faint smell of flowers nearby accompanying it. The breeze grazes my face, blowing my hair into all different directions, but somehow, I don’t mind, and I-
Ring…
Ring…
My alarm rings.Â
8:15 am.
I wake up with a sudden jolt. My roommate stands over me to tell me to shut my alarm off. I know she’s angry, I can feel it. I quickly shut it off. I see her go back to bed, once again reminding me that she can sleep in, and I have to wake up for class. My dreams are often vivid. They act as a constant reminder of the life I never had. Or never will have. I sit up in bed, bringing myself back to my current reality. Looking at the all-too-familiar room, I turn to the mirror. My eyes were sunken in with dark circles surrounding them, my hair was all messed up from my relentless tossing and turning, and my complexion was unnervingly dull. I try my best to ignore all my inherent flaws and make my way to the bathroom. Turning on the shower, I hope and pray that the water is hot enough to drown out my thoughts. But alas, this old residence hall won’t even let me have that. I check the time. 8:30. Great, I’m already late for my class.
I run out the door, not giving a thought to breakfast even once. The scorching heat gives me a pounding headache as I walk out of my residence hall, rushing to the academic block. Making my way into class, I sit right at the back, hoping my professor doesn’t pick on me to answer anything. I have a routine. I go to class, sit at the back, pay attention for 5 minutes, and then lose focus. After what feels like forever, class finally ends. Thankfully, I only have one today, so I can get back to doing the things I love – sleeping. I go to grab something quick to eat from the convenience store, only to notice the sky darkening with the threat of rain. With no umbrella and no other choice but to hope, I put in my AirPods and started to walk back to my residence hall. “But here’s my number, so call me maybe!” plays in my ears as I put one foot in front of another. I know, interesting song choice in relation to my mood. But, of course, with my luck, it inevitably starts pouring cats and dogs. I get drenched from head to toe, water in almost every crevice of my body. But what more could I expect? I try, and try, and try, to just simply be happy. Be happy with my surroundings, with myself, with college, but I can’t. I have loving friends, great parents, and a great college, but life isn’t always sunshine and rainbows. And maybe I feel this way because I know myself. Because I know that my happiness doesn’t always last that long. Because in the end, I always stand in the pouring rain, in the middle of a storm, all by myself. At the same time, though, I know I’m going to be okay. I’m going to wake up tomorrow for class on time, spend time with my friends, and talk to my parents, and it will all be okay. My life may not be a beautiful film with a happy ending, but I know I can at least try to make it one.Â