We’ve all been there, hurt by the sharp sting of failure. Having experienced a multitude of them myself, trust me, you’re not alone. Losing a close match to your opponent after putting in countless hours of training, then turning back to see your coach’s downturned smile in a futile attempt to hide his disappointment. Giving up something you were deeply passionate about because it no longer seemed feasible. The shivers of disbelief that run through your body as you stare down at your report card, realizing you were two marks away from a well-deserved “A” grade. And suddenly, you have this inexplicable sense of hatred towards the number “88”.The list goes on.
My first instinct is to silently curse everyone and everything around me at that very moment. Then comes the sulky phase, typically consisting of social isolation and snarky, cold-hearted remarks. After what feels like an eternity, I run to the nearest supermarket, hastily dumping buckets of ice cream and chocolates into my shopping cart. Though not the healthiest coping mechanism, I’ve learned that chocolate is undeniably the cheapest and most effective therapist out there.
But as much as I’d love to believe chocolate can fix everything, life (unfortunately) demands a little more effort. So, once reality starts to kick in and the sugar high finally wears off, here are a few simple yet effective ways to tackle setbacks in a healthier way.
1. Feel and Accept It:
Oftentimes, our first instinct is denial. We refuse to accept the harshness of the situation and the reality that we tend to dismiss. We momentarily throw fire on others or distract ourselves, hoping that these feelings will get suppressed and somehow vanish as time passes. I remember blaming my badminton racket for losing a match during a tournament, as the strings broke, which meant I had to switch to another one mid-match. Or the fact that I didn’t wear my lucky color, red, on the day I lost (superstitious, I know). Or receiving fewer marks than expected on an essay I thought I had nailed, and then blaming it all on the professor’s inability to understand the crux of what I meant.
But believe me, suppressing these emotions and shifting the blame onto others not only prolongs the pain but also reduces your sense of accountability. So, take the time out to fully acknowledge the situation in order to learn and grow from it.
2. Journal It Out:
Journaling is an effective way to channel your emotions. To me, my journal is like a best friend—a silent companion and an incredible listener. Someone who doesn’t judge you for having one too many peri-peri cheesy fries from Copa as a midnight snack. Whether it’s angry scribbles on paper after a frustrating exam, streams of words spilling out during moments of sadness or anxiety, or the hollow feeling in your stomach that lingers after having an argument with someone you care about—trust me, writing it all down on paper makes all the more difference. I found that the act of brain-dumping thoughts onto paper not only reduces emotional baggage but also paves the way for the brain to take in and process new pieces of information. Additionally, it makes the process of identifying things like pain points, areas of weakness, and triggers a much easier process. Here are a few prompts that have worked for me and could do the same for you:
“What exactly happened, and how did it make you feel?”
“If I could go back, what would I do differently?”
“Was there anything outside of my control?” “If so, can I let go of them?”
“What are some objective, achievable steps to take going forward?”
3. Lean on Social Support:
Social isolation is often a temporary way of attaining mental peace. I used to put my phone on Do Not Disturb, ignore calls from my friends, and listen to outrageously depressing music, hoping that my brain would find solace in isolation and avoidance. Believe me, shutting yourself off from the external world can only go so far. Sometimes all it takes is a five-minute pep talk from your best friend or one of those reassuring, bone-crushing hugs from your mom to remind you that you’re not alone—and suddenly, the world feels a little lighter.
4. Harness the Power of Self-Talk:
Believe it or not, verbalizing your thoughts, internally or externally, can increase the likelihood of turning abstract emotions into tangible energy. What I mean is that a simple affirmation, such as “I am going to do well” before an exam or “This setback doesn’t define me,” plays a huge role in influencing the outcome, oftentimes aligning with what you say.
As time passes, I realize the inevitability of these failures. Healing after heartbreak isn’t a linear process; it’s deeply personal, something TED talks and motivational videos often overlook with their generic advice and two-word punchlines. What truly makes a difference is the way in which we bounce back from these challenges rather than succumbing to them and taking them to heart.