Who is a father? One who earns for his family? One who spends time with them? Or one that somehow manages to do both? It is a bit difficult to differentiate between a good father and a bad one. Probably because for the longest time people had low expectations from men. Nowadays, things have changed—fatherhood doesn’t end at responsibility. A roof and a paycheck won’t suffice. People always talk about how crucial a mother is for the child’s development, but they forget that the same child needs a dad as well. A man that they know is ready to fight the world for their sake. Who would give up everything in a heartbeat for their children. Someone they can rely on. But when this man is not present in your life, what do you do then?Â
John Lennon left his first wife Cynthia and their son Julian to marry another woman, Yoko Ono. He later had a son with her named Sean. John absolutely adored him. For Sean, he stepped back from his music career and took a hiatus so he could be a stay-at-home dad and spend time with his son. He wrote a heartfelt song, Beautiful Boy in which he talks about comforting and protecting Sean, through nightmares and an unpredictable life. The line that hits the most is:Â
“I can hardly wait
To see you come of age
But I guess we’ll both just have to be patient”
These words stung me when I got to know that John Lennon was murdered when Sean was only five. Just three months after this beautiful song was released, he was assassinated. How does one get over it? How will a five-year-old boy understand and accept that the person who promised to always stay by his side is gone forever? Even though he was not able to see Sean grow up, at least Sean had this song which will always remind him of his dad’s undying love for him. The tragedy of Sean’s loss feels devastating, until you remember he was not the only child John left behind.
Let’s flip a few pages and read the starting part again. John Lennon left his first wife and son Julian. When Julian was born, John was on tour so he couldn’t see him until three days after he was born. He then had to immediately leave again for the tour. Julian was three when John divorced his mother and went to live with his second family. This strained their relationship and then for years John would not meet his son.Â
Paul McCartney, one of the Beatles, wrote the song Hey Jude for Julian during his parents’ divorce, telling him to have strength. In the song Paul addresses the painful situation Julian is stuck in. The song has comforting lyrics and an uplifting yet sad melody, which would’ve been exactly what Julian needed at the time. Someone who acknowledges his pain, and guides him through it. Sometimes love shows up when fathers don’t.
I was always treated like a princess by my dad. From making my morning coffee to driving me to my tuition classes and parties, he never failed to miss anything. He has always been my biggest cheerleader, to the point that if I told him that I want to become the president of India, he would fully support it. Because of my personal experiences, the idea of an absent father is gut-wrenching for me. And if I feel this way just by thinking about it, I can only imagine how difficult it must be for the people who face it. So, for every kid who is struggling without a dad, I hope you find your own Paul McCartney. I hope that you don’t have to deal with the pain alone and I hope that everytime this song plays on the radio you remember to find strength in the lines:
“And anytime you feel the pain, hey Jude, refrain,
Don’t carry the world upon your shoulders.
For well you know that it’s a fool who plays it cool
By making his world a little colder.”