Ah, Tinder. The great pinnacle of modern society. A truly obsessive ritual of the millennial, one in which we all participate but few dare to admit. I started my own thrilling journey in the world of Tinder during spring break in New England, and I was well received by the residents of Connecticut and Massachusetts—even receiving daily validation in the form of the infamous “Super Like.”
Due to the contents of my well rounded and aesthetically pleasing profile, I have been privy to a number of conversations regarding my skills on the cello and insider tips on my Super Smash game. Admittedly, few of these exchanges have led to any further chats.
Swiping right during travel is all fun and games, but back at home, things get tend to get slightly more…awkward. Certainly, there’s the occasional Denison or Nazarene student to chat-up but seeing the faces of fellow Lords and Ladies on your screen can get pretty strange, pretty fast. These are several scenarios you might run into while swiping right on the Hill.
You both go to Kenyon but don’t know each other
This is probably the best-case scenario. You can definitely ask mutual friends about them, but since you’ve never met them, it’s significantly less awkward to match up. It’s basically the virtual equivalent of an Old Kenyon party, minus 150 sweaty drunk students and getting your hand stamped with that weird “Philander” stamp (talk about ironic).
You’re acquaintances or have met once or twice
At the very least, you’ll have something to talk about (such as “Yeah, I hated that seminar just as much as you did…”) but beware of people you’re currently taking a class with. No one wants to use Tinder to talk about the upcoming midterm—no one. I’d swipe left just to be safe. Make the move in real life this time.
You’re friendly but not BFFs
Rule of thumb:
a) if they swipe right, they’re into you physically.
b) If they swipe left, they’re definitely in love with you and feel weird about it.
You’re good friends/roommates/besties
You probably spend a lot of time flirting with them anyways, so why not do it via Tinder (at the very least you can discuss all your other matches all within the same app)? However, if they swipe left: see number 3, section b.
Listen, friend. We’re all just tiny boats trying to navigate the tumultuous and uncharted waters of Kenyon Tinder. Obviously, you’re a great person who anyone would be lucky to date (or, you’re not but that’s okay, too). Deep down, we both know that Tinder will probably not lead you to your soulmate. (Since I don’t believe in soulmates, I’d also caution you that the app will probably not lead you to any sort of long-term, serious relationship, though the CEO of Tinder seems to think it might.)
Regardless, get out there and have some fun! Don’t let who you match with affect the way you feel because as we’ve already discussed, they’re probably in love with you anyway.
Happy Swiping, Kenyon!