What’s under your bed? The shocking truth unfolds at a small liberal arts college. You may need to sleep with the lights ON after you read this.

Two journalists, and a campus full of beds with space underneath them: one might say it was destiny that we should clash. On an ordinary Tuesday night, experienced reporters Reagan Neviska and Amy Schatz braved the Kenyon dorm scene to knock on doors (in some cases, when the door was already open, to call into the room) and ask timidly if we could take pictures of the space under their beds. And then, we asked them questions about it.

What you read here may surprise you, may even horrify you, but feel blessed that you did not experience the unbelievable truth firsthand and under-bed. Without further ado, we present to you, our readers, the exciting new installment in this invasive series.

 

Bed #1

Top three items under your bed? mini dustpan, pads, hopes and dreams.

If the space under your bed was a portal to another world, where would it go? An isolated monastery on a far-away island ... or the Village Market.

 

Bed #2

Top three items under your bed? Salvador Dali clock, slinky, Andy Samberg collage.

If you had to compare the space under your bed to another Ohio liberal arts school, which one would it be? My bed is undergoing a gap year ...

 

Bed #3

Top three items under your bed? Sirius Black picture, alarm clock, and my number one fan.

If you had to use one emoticon to describe the space under your bed, which would it be? What’s that stressed out, yet smiling, yet maniacal face? Oh, the laughing-crying emoji!

 

Bed #4

Top three items under your bed? My mallet, my safety vest, miscellaneous things in boxes.

If there was a creature living under your bed, what would it be? A sandman with his face painted as a clown. Something terrifying like that.

Do you have any advice for other people with beds? Always, always raise your bed to the highest notch. You can hide stuff under it. You either put your mattress on the floor or raise it to the highest spoke.

 

Bed #5

Top three items under your bed? Three suitcases, plus my Slytherin name tag. Also one of the wheels is really janked up from dragging it on Middle Path.

To what classic Russian novel would you compare the space under your bed? “War and Peace.” Is that a good answer?

What is a trait that you and the space under your bed share? Jank.

 

Bed #6

Top three items under your bed? Wow, a sock! This stress ball that my friend made me when I first started Kenyon, a glowstick, and this valentine my prospie made me.

If you had to compare the space under your bed to a snack food, which would it be? Pringles.

If you had to use one major theme of YA novels to describe the space under your bed, which would it be? Ah! There are a lot of boxes.

Do you have anything else to add? I should be a Campus Cutie. (Editor’s note: Your bed is pretty messy. We’ll think about it.)

 

Bed #7

Top three items under your bed? A chair, baking soda, and the box for my tea kettle.

If you had to pick a Kenyon building to describe the space under your bed, which would it be? Bexley Hall. Or New Apts. It’s just pretty ratchet, ya know?

On what Caribbean island does the space under your bed belong? Trinidad and Tobago.

 

Stay tuned for our next installment! What’s under your bed?

 

Image sources: Giphy.com, Genius.com