This article was authored by Izzy Wilder, ’20
It’s okay to take the road less traveled (apologies for stealing your words, Frost). Recently, I made the decision to take a break from attending Kenyon College in Gambier, Ohio, and to come home to Washington, D.C. My decision was not one I made lightly, and in no way did I intend to take a “vacation.” For over a year now, I have been dealing with varying health issues that have been slowly piling up. While I adore Kenyon and my friends and professors, it was admittedly difficult to find the health care that I need out in the beautiful Ohio cornfields. For a month during winter break, I agonized over my upcoming decision to return (or to not return) to Kenyon. Some of these thoughts ran through my head as I tried to sort out my feelings: “Am I failing for not being able to continue at Kenyon right now?” “Will I lose touch with my friends?” “What about my credits?” “Couldn’t I just push through and be fine?”
Maybe I could have pushed through. But, knowing the state that I was in when I left for winter break, the likely answer would have been “no”—or at the very least, that it would be extremely difficult and probably not worth the cost it would require to stay afloat.
Neither choosing to stay at Kenyon, nor choosing to come home, was easy. Leaving Kenyon, the place I had begun to call home for the past several months, was heartbreaking for me. A list of some of the things I love about Kenyon ran through my head: the beautiful and scenic Kokosing gap trail; my professors who’d taken the time to inquire about my personal life as an individual in addition to my academic work; Wiggins, the idyllic little coffee shop that I’d spent much time at when I was groggy in the morning or just craved a spinach and feta croissant; Ascension Hall with its ridiculously comfy couches, gorgeous wooden walls and stained glass that resembled a room from an old castle.
I had to leave my wonderful friends, who had been so incredibly supportive of me and who I couldn’t imagine college without. My heart truly broke when I had packed up my room and said goodbye to my roommate. For about an hour, I’d been making small chit chat while finishing boxing up my things, avoiding the inevitable goodbye I knew was to come all too soon. Finally, when everything was packed and in the car, she and I turned face-to-face and looked each other in the eye. We hugged, and the reality of my leaving Kenyon hit me squarely. I wish I could say I was brave and successfully stifled my emotions, but my eyes refused to stay dry, and after our goodbye, I hurried back to the car and drove off campus as quickly as possible.
Starting at George Washington University was a challenge, too. I am currently enrolled as a non-degree student at GWU and living at home. I’m coming to GWU between semesters when most students have already found their friends and their rhythm. Right now, I have to adjust to being in the middle of D.C., I have to learn how to make my way around campus. The first day of school was an utter mess. The clouds were an ominous shade of gray; at one point the skies opened up and I got thoroughly soaked. In addition, I missed the class I was most excited about and knew would be most challenging—Upper Level Anatomy, for those of you wondering. After running around campus with my wet and blotchy map that I was desperately trying to comprehend, I found the building with three minutes to spare, was told I couldn’t enter it for lack of an I.D., and was sent back out into the rain. By the end of the day, I hadn’t registered for a single course and I was told I had to take a test in my foreign language class the very next day. To say the very least, I was distraught and unsure of my decision to stay home.
Despite my first day’s miseries, the following one improved my faith in my decision. I am now an enrolled student, I don’t get lost every time I try to go somewhere, I have my school I.D and I even managed to get into some pretty neat classes that I am passionate and excited about. There will be ups and there will be downs, but at the end of the day I am thankful that I am able to live at home and have access to health care.
Leaving Kenyon was not easy for me, but I am proud that after much deliberation, I was able to make the right decision for me. It’s a relief to know that I can come to my Mom in the middle of the night if I can’t sleep. I’m able to spend time with my younger sister. I recently acquired an absolutely adorable Holland Lop rabbit named Felix who loves attention and brings me tremendous happiness. And I can still take courses from a great school and continue to grow academically. I do not regret my choice and I am determined to make the best of my time at home.
I want to leave you with a final piece of advice: pay attention to your needs. I know it’s easier to push them aside and to focus on your friends’ needs, or your family’s, but your needs are important, too, if not the most important consideration there is. This is difficult for me to fully say, as I tend to ignore my own needs. However, I’m beginning to realize the truth of it. It is okay to take a gap year, or in my case, to try out a whole new environment, even if it means leaving the school you love for a while. It is also okay to simply talk to friends, nap for a little, or to take a walk by yourself. You determine what is best for you. It is better to recognize and confront what you need, rather than pushing through and suffering because you were too proud or stubborn or scared to admit you needed to press the pause button. Remember, it is called a break for a reason. Stepping away from the traditional path isn’t permanent. Taking a break doesn’t mean you give up. It means you have the maturity and insight to recognize when you need to momentarily stop what you are doing to enable a change and to eventually continue. I needed to be home. I needed a break. And that’s okay.
Image credits: Izzy Wilder