When I say my name the way I would I would in my first language, French, there’s always a reaction. With my rolled r’s and the eh sounds, I do sound pretty stereotypically French (to be fair, my name is not actually all that French; it just sounds like it is) I will happily joke about this, tease myself for my non-American name, especially when in an American context. But, when people begin rolling their eyes and getting frustrated, that’s when I get confused. Why are you annoyed by my name or my French?
Cultural acceptance is supposedly one of the values that Kenyon upholds, but I’ve noticed that some people in our community don’t quite realize what that means. Because the fact that I’ve been called “pretentious” for speaking my native tongue doesn’t really count as acceptance.
It’s not just me—it’s also happened to my other friends with different cultural backgrounds, whether they’re told not to speak their language, or told to stop talking about their personal cultural experience because it’s seen as “bragging” or even just “not normal”. The thing is, it’s one thing to talk about your privilege and to understand where that’s appropriate or inappropriate. It becomes completely different, though, when it is unacceptable to be honest about who you are and where you’re from. Just because French is viewed as a “pretentious” language by Americans, doesn’t make it any less my first language. Your perception of my culture, entirely biased through your culture, doesn’t give you the right to shut down my right to speak about who I am. I say certain expressions in French—that’s how I learned them. I’m not trying to be snobby. I know certain things in a very specific context of French and trying to translate that every time feels disingenuous. And, why should I? Who am I hurting when I mutter to myself in French, or I mention certain things in French. If you don’t understand, I’ll happily restate it in English, but my gut instinct will always be to say it in French. And, I’m not embarrassed by that.
Maybe people don’t like feeling excluded. I can understand that, but by saying one phrase in my native language I’m not intentionally keeping you out. However, being told that you’re “annoying” or “pretentious” by speaking your language can really hurt. You’re being shut down or told you’re wrong for being yourself and expressing yourself. My bilingual and multicultural friends and I have all struggled with this because we feel like we’re being asked to lie for the comfort of someone else so that they don’t feel inadequate. But, the perception that we’re making a point or showing off is so distinctly untrue and unfair. Of course, it’s a privilege to be bilingual. But, it’s also someone’s life and culture that happens to be a privilege, and they have a right to that culture. In philosophy the other day, I spoke about Voltaire’s “Candide”, and my professor looked at me blankly for a moment before I realized that he would clearly know by a different pronunciation. I have to be honest—I had a feeling in the pit in my stomach like I was about to be called out, so after I quickly said it the more American way, I tried to move the conversation along, hoping no one caught my mistake. No one said anything. But, the fact that I was worried at all about having “slipped” into my first language was unacceptable—we need to make sure that here at Kenyon, everyone feels comfortable admitting to the culture they’re from, even if someone else thinks it’s pretentious.