I don’t like the terms “extrovert” and “introvert.”
Wherever you look, there are personality stereotypes. Kids in high school were popular or nerds, part of the in-crowd, or loners. At camp, campers were labeled “loud” or “shy,” extroverted or introverted, a handful or mouse-y. Girls are known as having “bitch face” if they aren’t charismatic and automatically friendly, but if they’re loud they’re seen as stupid or “extra.”
I think the issue is this obsession with labeling personalities with a clear hierarchy; this need to label every person. Tests like the Meyers-Briggs Personality test put people into boxes: you are either loud and outgoing, or you are quiet and guarded. Consequently, each personality is associated with a concept of who you are, and kids can’t grow up outside of these tight boxes.
For example, the “standard extrovert” is someone who feels the most energized in a group. As a standard extrovert, I typically explain it this way: even if I don’t want to talk and be loud, I still want to be in a crowd. I don’t study in my room or at a carrel; I thrive being around people even if I’m being quiet. I get anxious when I have to do things by myself and fear that I’m being clingy to people.
However, being defined as an extrovert comes with its own stigma. Often times I’ve been called annoying, an airhead, or too much. I’ve had to learn to process my issues in alternative ways because I like to talk out my thoughts to friends who are more introverted. I like loud parties with lots of music and dancing and people to talk to, I like studying in places where I can talk and be noisy, I like living in a triple where I constantly have someone around me.
While mostly my friends fondly refer to me as the charismatic one, the one that sends funny emails and maintains the conversation at lunch, there are times where I have to be told to calm down and use my inside voice. I have to refrain from constantly asking my friends where they are and if they want to do something, and figure out how to recharge without exhausting other people.
Alternatively, I have friends who hate being introverts. I once talked to a friend who didn’t necessarily consider herself shy; however, she said that she was judged as cold and aloof because she tended to be on the quiet side.
And obviously, not every extrovert is outgoing, and not every introvert is shy. There are ambiverts (half extroverts and half introverts), and people who slide all over the scale. Consequently, I have to wonder why we even have the scale?
These labels of extrovert, introvert, outgoing, shy, “bitch face,” and extra are harmful. We’re teaching kids to be shoved into a box without any room to grow or understand themselves entirely. No one person is just the nerd or the class clown.
Moreover, let’s get rid of the notions related to these personalities. Let’s stop putting down girls who are outgoing as “unladylike” or “inappropriate” to maintain the trope of quiet and delicate girls. Let’s stop relating introversion to shyness or anxiety. No one person is any extreme, and labels prevent people from self-exploration.