The Myth About Virginity is That it Exists at All

The biggest lie about virginity is that it is a thing that exists really at all. The concept of virginity is one of the many patriarchal poisons of this toxic social hamster wheel we are trapped on and the only way to save ourselves is to stop shaming women for their sexual decisions and to stop defining sex as something that revolves around a penis. For real.

If your only definition of sex is intercourse between a man and a woman, then you are actively erasing the experiences of non-cis and non-hetero people! Not to mention the fact that it is 100% possible (and valid!) that as a cis and straight person, your most intimate and sexually gratifying experiences might not involve penetration at all.

If you do want to talk about virginity, at the very least you need to recognize that every individual has the power to define it for themselves.

Some people think that oral sex is the last step in a sexual progression of intimacy, and others disagree. It could be your sexual awakening, your first assisted orgasm, etc. Or we could just throw the term out the window and realize that virginity is a sham and has nothing to do with anybody’s identity or value as a person.

For males, sex is a status symbol. For women, it can be made a source of shame. Wait “too long” to have sex and you’re a prude, have sex “too early” and you’re a slut. If you haven’t had sex, no matter what age you are, that is absolutely fine, and you shouldn’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Whether it’s due to religious reasons, or maybe you identify on the asexuality spectrum, or maybe you’re waiting for it to feel right and it just hasn’t yet. If you don’t feel like your life is missing anything without sex, then it simply isn’t! Sex is not the be all end all.

And on the flipside, if you do have sex, however you define it, as long as it is always consensual and safe, then it doesn’t need to meet any other conditions to be absolutely fine, and you shouldn’t let anyone tell you otherwise. If you have sex in a relationship, and/or with someone you love, that’s amazing. If you have casual sex, that’s amazing too. If you have sex once a year or multiple times a day if it feels right for you, that is all that matters.

You should never, ever tell someone that they should “just lose it already,” and you should never, ever tell someone that they “should’ve waited.” Sex is never anyone else’s decision but yours, and if someone tries to influence you in either direction, that person is not your friend.

Doesn’t the above just make you want to find that cliff so that you can throw yourself off it? Your “virginity” is not a prize, it’s not a source of shame, it’s not a loss of anything, especially not who you are.

Sex didn’t change who I am, it didn’t change my friends, and sexual activity or lack thereof doesn’t change the way we interpret another person’s character or value.

Sex shouldn’t be shameful, whether you’re having it or not! Let’s stop using this ridiculous label so that we can liberate women to be sexually autonomous.