“Okay, listen.”
“Oh, little tiny baby Sam.”
“Bongiorno!”
“Are you safe?”
“That’s a GOOD taco.”
“Oh, did you go to Farm Camp? You’ve never mentioned it.”
These are just a few prominent examples of the little quips I’ve brainwashed my friends into saying. When I came to campus, I immediately entered into a group of people who I feel more connected to than pretty much anyone I’ve been acquainted with previously. So it isn’t surprising we have picked up some of each other’s mannerisms and vocal expressions. For example, I find myself exclaiming “oy vey!” frequently because about 50 percent of my friend group is Jewish. And, many of us now describe everything as “delicious” because it is my friend’s favorite adjective to use in every situation.
However, I’ve realized a disproportionate amount of my friends’ acquired mannerisms originated from me. I’ve been saying “okay, listen” to start my sentences for about a year now and “are you safe?” came into being from my weariness concerning the phrase “are you okay?” And now, as I listen in on conversations with my peers, I hear frequent exclamations of “OKAY, LISTEN!” and the placating sounds of “are you safe?” To outsiders, it seems like these strange, cult-y things we all say (that are pretty nonsensical) serve no purpose other than to demonstrate our like-mindedness. However, there is a real psychology behind it.
The mere exposure effect is a scientific phenomenon in which “people feel a preference for people or things simply because they are familiar” (Fournier). This concept helps explains why we form friendships: we are more likely to like the people we are around often. However, it could also explain why we tend to pick up the mannerisms and gestures of our friends. If we spend an abundance of time with our friends, we spend an abundance of time seeing and hearing their little quirks; in turn, it would make sense we pick up these attributes due to learning to like them. This habit of modeling our friends could also derive from the social learning theory. According to a blog post from the Princeton University Press, “It has been studied and proven that human beings learn socially.” Usually, we talk about social learning theory of learning to open doors for others or not to shove your hand in the toaster, but it could also apply to learning new phrases and ways of communication. The speech patterns of our friends become models for us and we, in turn, replicate them in our own lives. This theory—most famously shown through Bandura’s Bobo doll experiment—might help me come to terms with why all my friends now scream “Bongiorno!” whenever they enter a room—like I do.
Furthermore, my friend’s mimicry stems into more areas than just my speech. I’ve also noticed an increase in the mirroring of my actions, including my peculiar habit of talking with my legs. When I converse with others, I tend to kick my leg into the air, pull my feet behind my head or just generally flail the lower half of my body around. Over the past month, I’ve noticed my friends copying some of these actions in our conversations. My friend Becca admits “Sometimes, I like to kick my leg in the air” when I asked them how I’ve brainwashed them.
This occurrence of “monkey see, monkey do,” versus “monkey hear, monkey say,” has more concrete biological roots than just social learning theory and modeling—although, of course, these play a significant role. However, recently, neuroscientists have been conducting investigations concerning special brain cells called mirror neurons. According to a 2011 article from the Association for Psychological Science, although the role of mirror neurons are not particularly relevant to the mimicry of speech, “Mirror neurons are believed to play a critical role in how and why we understand other people’s actions.” So, when my friends see me kick my leg into the air over my head after destroying all of them in a game of UNO, they understand the action, even if they themselves are not quite as flexible. In addition, mirror neurons heavily contribute to the way we understand the intentions behind people’s words or actions; in other words, mirror neurons help us understand the mind. Thus, my friends comprehend my leg kicking derives from a place of exuberant excitement over my victory at UNO and not a violent act of aggression. Therefore, when coupled with the concept of modeling, they may be more apt to kick their legs in the air next time they are overjoyed.
However, none of this explains my actions of disproportionately represented than the actions of my compatriots. Perhaps I’m an alpha figure in the group and the others look to me as a guide for how to move and act; or maybe, the things I say and do are particularly humorous and they want to replicate the comedy; yet, my prevailing theory concerns my repetition of these actions. I live my life for the jokes and this lifestyle tends to come in a series of bits. All of these odd mannerisms and colloquialisms I utilize on such a constant basis engender a familiarity with the actions— a powerful version of the mere exposure effect and social learning.
Or, I am a powerful wizard who brainwashes people and soon, the world will be dominated by people kicking their legs when they win a game, squealing “Oh, that little tiny friend” when talking about a sick person, and antagonizing others by making fun of them for their repeated by phrases, sarcastically inquiring “Oh, you’re Italian? You never talk about that.”
Image credits: Annmarie Morrison, holah.karoo.com