New Years’ resolutions: easy to make, not so easy to keep. Every year we make them, and every year we fail to follow through, from promising to exercise more to vowing to quit an addiction. My resolutions are never so out there; I know there is little chance I’m going to make it down to the KAC this semester, and I refuse to stop binge-watching Grey’s Anatomy. The singular resolution I made this year seemed much more attainable, but once I tried to start, I realized it is one of the most difficult things I have ever attempted to do. This year, I resolved to work on loving myself more.
I’ve realized that it’s easy to say, “Starting today, I am going to love everything about myself,” but it’s incredibly difficult to actually do so. I don’t try to be a negative, unconfident, self-conscious person—it’s just that it has been bred in my mind that that is what I am and always will, and perhaps should, be. Otherwise, I would be seen as overly optimistic, overconfident, and self-centered. Now, the issue may not be as black-or-white as that, but when you’re young and impressionable, it sure seems that way. And, unfortunately, as you grow older, it sticks with you. Because of this, it is not simple to just throw out these ingrained thoughts one day and change one’s mindset; like any great skill, it takes work and practice.
It’s difficult to know where to start on the road toward self-recovery. But, there are a few things I have done to work my way up that path. I have started to recognize negative patterns in my thought processes, and I have begun to do something that I have never done in the past: actively try to change them. I can now see that I forgive things in others that I never seem to be able to forgive in myself, such as when I say something less-than-perfect or I feel annoying. I am beginning to understand that, just because I am not “the best” at anything, it does not make my accomplishments any less than what they are. I can be given a compliment and try my best to believe that it’s true. I can at least try.
I know that this is not going to be a simple skill to master. I know that it is not going to just come easily like learning to tie my shoes or ride a bike. But, I am willing to work on it, and even more than that, I am ready to work on it. And that alone is a big step for me.
It’s a new year, a new semester, but not necessarily a new me. Learning to love myself does not mean changing who I am in order to conform to someone I deem lovable. It is about learning to accept myself the way I am and recognizing that there is already plenty to love within the person I am now. So, I resolve to learn to love myself, and the learning starts now.