Kenyon Profile: Emily Sakamoto '16

 

Class Year: 2016

Hometown: North Oaks, Minnesota

Major/minor: English major with a concentration in creative writing

Activities: [burps] Le Collegian, the KR, drinking … that’s it.

 

First off, where did you get the idea for ‘Dear Emily?’

Two years ago, the editor in chief [of the Collegian] had a wildly unsuccessful ‘Dear Lauren’ column that she passed it on to me. This year, the opinions column had no one to write for them (write for opinions!), so I started it to fill space.

 

Dear Emily is very similar in form to many other ‘Dear Abby’-like advice columns, but what do you think makes your column stand out, or how do you personally try to make it unique to Kenyon?

Dear Emily is essentially me, in print form –– so pretty blunt and realistic, and I give janky advice, but I know what it’s like to be a janky college student and to see your hookup in Peirce like 24 hours later, and like ghost the shit out of them.

 

What do you think qualifies you to be a suitable source of advice?

Bruh. Bruh. I’ve seen a lot of shit, and people somehow always come to me for advice, and I think I know how people think pretty well –– like their underlying motives –– but I have no professional training or qualifications, because I’m an English major, and next year you’ll see me on the side of the road dressed as a taco trying to get you that 2-for-5 deal.

 

What’s the best/funniest/craziest submission you’ve gotten so far?

I got one during finals that said “I like Cheetos, but not the crunchy kind, that would be ignorant” and they signed it “santa got no fucks to give” because it was finals week. I didn’t know how to respond to that one.

 

One you’ve been hoping to get?

I secretly want my ex to write one, or at least it’s what I’ve been expecting to happen. Back to your first question, part of Dear Emily is in response to my breakup. It’s nice to have an outlet.

 

What do you think is going to happen to Dear Emily after you graduate? Will you pass on the torch, or let your legacy speak for itself?

These are the corniest questions. Dear Emily will die with me. Maybe I’ll leave a horcrux. Probably not.

 

What’s your favorite kind of cheese?

Oh my god!! String cheese. But like, the kind of cheese that tastes fatty, but you eat it like string cheese. What are thooose!

 

 

What do you look for in a lover?

Money.

Is that it?

Yeah.

 

What’s your favorite place to cry on campus?

Like, Middle Path at like 3 a.m., on a weekday, into a scarf. Ask me why I’m doing this interview.

Why are you doing this interview?

Because I wanted Amy to interview me.

 

What are you doing this weekend?

Drinking. I’m going to the mall, and on the way, I’m gonna eat at Chick-fil-A and Waffle House, Cane’s Chicken and Auntie Annie’s.

 

[poses dramatically]