In a scandalous admission, John Green let the world know that he is not actually a Kenyon Alumni.
I met with famed author and YouTube celebrity John Green (The Fault in Our Stars, Turtles all the Way Down) outside Wiggin Street Coffee shop last Saturday. “So, this is what it’s like,” he said, looking around at Kenyon’s campus for the first time in his life. The famous author and alleged Kenyon Alum called the college earlier this week, requesting to speak with an interviewer. He wouldn’t say anything about the nature of the interview, cryptically stating: “I can’t live the lie any longer.”
When we met, Green wasted no time in telling me the information he had been hiding for so long. “The truth is, I attended Canyon College, located in South Rim Arizona, two miles from the Grand Canyon,” he admitted sheepishly as we sat sipping our cappuccinos outside Wiggin. The best-selling author and recently diagnosed compulsive liar sighed, adding: “My Canyon degree just wasn’t getting me published. I said what I had to say, changed a couple of letters around on my resume, and viola—I was a Kenyon alum.”
When I pressed him about the commencement address he delivered in the spring of 2016, the author looked somber. “I hired an actor and wrote him a script.” When I asked him how they didn’t know he wasn’t an alumnus, he added, “Well there was a John Green in the graduating class of 2000. He’s a used car salesman now and was low on cash so I cut him a deal. I knew it was wrong, but I couldn’t bear the thought of being exposed in such a humiliating way.” He shook his head. “But, it’s time now. I’m coming clean, my way. The press was onto me, I knew it wouldn’t be long until my secret was revealed so I decided to reveal it myself.” Green stressed that he never thought the lie would go so far. “To be honest, which I rarely am,” he said, “I never imagined the school, the press, and the students would keep bringing it up. Every day it’s been Kenyon this and Kenyon that. Alumni keep mailing me their manuscripts, and president Decatur even wanted me to be in the brochure. Hell, even Oprah wanted to interview me about my college years. For a while, I tried to drown my sorrows in alcohol and nonsensical book titles, but those days are over. I sincerely apologize to anyone I’ve hurt with this cruel deception. I’ve come clean and I intend to stay that way. I’m excited to announce, though, that I will be enrolling as a freshman next year, here at Kenyon College.” The author explained that he was granted admission to the college after agreeing to attend a compulsive liar’s anonymous meeting throughout the coming semester and signing a form in which he promised to, from here on out, only write books with self-explanatory titles.