There will be people who tell you that those who are important to you will accept you as you are and that the others don’t matter. That’s not quite true. The important people will accept you, but the other people matter—just not for you. Just because someone doesn’t mesh well with you doesn’t make them wrong.
There seems to be a rule that everyone must like each other and get along. Don’t get me wrong, we should all do our best to be kind and compassionate to everyone. However, there’s no reason we should pretend that everyone is compatible, friendship or otherwise. If we pretend that, those of us who won’t be liked by all feel like there’s something wrong with us.
It’s hard to be a loud girl. It’s hard to always be considered aggressive, abrasive. My very personality means that not everyone will like me. And not because they’re bad people, or judgemental. Because my personality isn’t conducive to everyone. When I get passionate about something, I get very passionate. I don’t squeal sweetly, I shout and wave my arms. I jump up and down. I sing at the top of my lungs. To some people, that’s overwhelming and annoying. And that’s ok. When I get angry, I will let people know. I don’t just berate softly, I will stomp my feet and make my point known. I will storm out of rooms, and I know that’s a lot to deal with. My very everyday is me being hyperactive the majority of the time, sharing my opinions no matter what, and letting everyone know how I feel all the time. I have a big, domineering, obnoxious personality. And that’s just not for everyone.
But it’s hard to accept that. Even if I’m loud and abrasive and unashamedly opinionated, I have a little shame in how I make people feel. I’m a people-pleaser at heart—I want people to like me. When I’m told I’m intimidating, it makes me feel like shit. I don’t want people to feel overshadowed. When I’m told I’m annoying, or too loud, I feel like I’ve done something wrong. I want everybody to like me. But I want to be passionate and rowdy more.
That’s who I am. I’m blunt, but I’m kind. I talk non-stop, but I listen too. I’m likely jumping up and down right now, but I’m still smart as hell. My personality isn’t a defect. I’m not a problem. Just because something about me isn’t something everyone will like doesn’t make it bad. Do I annoy you? Fine. I am undoubtedly intense. I’m not gonna pretend to be chill because it’s easier for some people to digest. They’re not wrong, maybe I’m just not for them.
If you’re intimidated by me, well maybe you have a reason to be. I won’t stop pushing to make you comfortable, I won’t turn down the lightning behind my actions because it’s too much for you. I’m unabashedly brash and bold. You’re allowed not to like me. But I won’t let that stop me from liking me.
In The Hamilton Mixtape’s “Wrote my Way Out,” I finally found the words I was looking for. Honestly, that whole song is how I feel about this. But in the words of Lin-Manuel Miranda: “Fuckin’ right I’m relentless.”
And maybe you won’t like that, but I do.