I experienced a difficult summer. It presented challenges and fights that I’m not entirely sure I won, or even if they’re really over. I had many opportunities to learn and to think, but mostly in unpleasant ways.
And then my sister got married. This did not fix anything that was broken, but it was one of the few days this summer that I completely enjoyed. This may seem like just an excuse to talk about and share photos from the fairy tale pleasantness that was my oldest sister’s Central Park July wedding; though it is partially, I am struck at how deeply this event affected me and my disposition.
My sister wasn’t walked down an aisle.
The ceremony took place in a clearing in Central Park, and there were multiple ways to enter the oval. My sister and her husband walked in by themselves from pathways facing each other. I had always imagined I would have a more traditional wedding ceremony than this one and I had never seriously thought about the idea of my dad or anyone walking me down an aisle. Seeing her approach by herself, gleeful and in blue, made me change my mind. I have no intention of being led to the space I choose to be married in; I will be walking myself.
In a Jewish wedding, there is a chuppah, or a large piece of tablecloth size cloth that is held up with poles.
Underneath, the ceremony is performed and it is representative of the home that the couple will build together. My sister and her groom had all their immediate family members split into pairs and each were responsible for holding up one pole. To be surrounded by the people I love most, watching the celebration of my sister having found someone else she loves as much as us, was indescribable. To lean into my other sister and have our oldest watch us as her husband watched his family was a melding of their private world and all the worlds that had built them.
Everyone has to perform on game day.
The week leading up to the wedding, I kept running around my house telling anyone who would listen that the Super Bowl was on Sunday and that this was no time for injuries. This was more a reminder to myself than anything else, as I was struggling day by day, but knew I had to sacrifice levels of my own comfort in order to support my sister on the day that was undeniably more hers than mine. I watched as my family began to absorb the motto and started talking about this was a win or go home situation. It showed me how willing loving people are to disregard their personal conflicts and challenges when it is clear that there is something else to focus on. When it’s game day, it’s not about you. It’s about the team. I loved seeing how everyone in my sister’s life pulled together to play for a championship — meaning, her wedding.
There are options for wedding vows.
There are selections from verse, from scripture, from the Torah, and from a multitude of other sources, that a couple can choose from for their wedding. My sister and her partner chose a few lines from the book of Ruth, a variation on “Where you go, I will go; where you lodge, I will lodge; your people shall be my people, and your God my God. Where you die, I will die— there will I be buried.” When I imagined my own wedding, I did not hear the vows. I was too infatuated with the idea of a love so deep and so consuming that is becomes a beautiful life choice, to think about something as simple as the vows that would declare the moment. Listening to the lines from Ruth, I realized that your vows can be a magic moment beyond the traditional.
What my sister’s wedding showed me was that everything has the potential to be special. There is an enormous amount of pressure and expectation that goes along with the planning of a wedding and there is the tendency for those negative traits to over power the potential of the day. With the right instincts and the right intent, nothing has to be sacrificed. A wedding, I now believe, should be nothing more and nothing less than a celebration of two people wonderfully in love. Surrounded by family, speaking words that resonate, and maintaining an element of independence allows a wedding to be exceptional and meaningful. At the end of the day, it’s like the Super Bowl, and it’s a beautiful thing to win.
Image credits: Lily Alig