My first ever complete spoken thought was “rock heavy snake,” so you could say that I’ve had an affinity for wild animals from an early age. Sure, I flinch when big dogs get too close to me but I have no issue venturing into a potentially panther ridden Floridian jungle to retrieve lost possessions (true story). I have always volunteered to hold snakes when the opportunity arises at zoos and my inner voice is always trying to convince me to catch birds and squirrels (what I would do with the animal after catching them is unclear).
As someone who was raised in Arizona smack dab in the middle of the desert, I’ve learned some important lessons regarding wildlife, such as how you should always turn the bathroom light on at night before using it, just in case what you think is a hand towel turns out to be rattlesnake. This was not from personal experience, simply hearsay, but they provided photographic evidence so I’m taking their word for it. Another lesson would be to always shake out anything that is stored in the garage before using it to prevent being stung by a scorpion. My own brother and mother have both been stung by a scorpion, and from what they’ve said it is not something I’m willing to risk. I have seen three scorpions in the flesh and I can honestly say that the feeling of sheer panic when it bolts out of sight cannot be replicated by any other experience, but I digress. At the last house I lived at, a literal mountain lion was on the prowl through my neighborhood and I was just bummed that I didn’t get to see it.
Much to my delight, I was greeted by a whole new trove of wild animals upon coming to Kenyon. I was faced now with deer EVERYWHERE, skunks, multicolored birds (like what?? birds that aren’t brown and run across the road??), elusive foxes, and my personal favorite, raccoons. I learned quickly from my peers to not approach the animals at any cost because they WILL attack you, but that didn’t quite quench my curiosity.
My opportunity arose the other day when I ventured into the McBride breezeway to retrieve a pizza. Up until this moment I had been dying to get close to a raccoon and who can blame me? They’re so small and fluffy and honestly I just love them. It was my lucky day because who did I find rummaging through the breezeway boxes? A raccoon I have lovingly named Trash Lord.
So I did what any reasonable adult would do: I approached him and tried to take a picture for my Snapchat story. This was my first mistake. Trash Lord immediately dropped his pizza crust and began staring me down, little black nose twitching. You could cut the tension between us with a knife. Sensing this change in mood, I backed away. The lighting wasn’t good enough for a picture anyway so I changed my angle and went in again, this time, apparently, I had gone too far because next thing I knew I was being chased by a raccoon. Thankfully, Trash Lord must’ve gorged himself with the leftover pizza and gave up his chase after a while. I breathed a sigh of relief, got my OWN pizza from the ever-friendly Domino’s delivery guy and returned to the breezeway now face to face with the animal I was determined to befriend or at least capture forever in a picture and that’s when it happened. Trash Lord took a menacing step towards me, into the light, and into a perfect position for a picture. Trash Lord was everything I wanted in a raccoon. He was curious, fluffy, and always looking for snack. I like to think that he was the raccoon responsible for The Great Kenyon Blackout of 2017. Thankfully, we met once more the next day when I caught him rummaging through the trash can again in the Breezeway. I got a much better picture and I like to think that we’re friends now after our encounter. Sure, Trash Lord was very willing to attack me for getting too close to his pizza crust, but I like to think that if I contracted rabies from this wild animal, it would’ve been out of love.
Image Credit: YouTube, Giphy, Juliana Delsante