Name: Madeline (Madi) Thompson
Class Year: 2016, Senior
Hometown: St. Louis, Missouri
Major/Minor: Psychology Major, Neuroscience Minor
Campus Activities: Crozier, Qdubs, Neuroscience Club, Admissions Office, and the LGBTQ+ Advisory Committee
Preferred Pronouns: She/her/hers
Favorite Peirce Food: I make breakfast sandwiches out of a bagel, fried egg, sausage, and cheese. I’d eat it for every meal if I could!
Hi Madi! You’re one of the co-manager of the Crozier Center for Women. Could you tell me more about how you first became involved with Crozier or what drew you to the organization?
I was definitely a baby feminist in high school and in a very, very conservative place, so when I got to college I sought out every social justice-y organization I could. So when I got an all-stu asking if I wanted to be a Crozier Little Sister, I thought “heck yes I do!” Through doing that, I got to know quite a few Crozierites, and I quickly got involved volunteering for different events and helping out where I could. I learned so much in those first few months I thought my head was going to explode, and it very much became one of the places I was most comfortable on campus that first semester.
What is something you want Kenyon students to know about Crozier that they may or may not be aware of yet?
We have a projector now that you can rent out and watch Netflix on a big projector screen we have in our living room! Email us 24 hours in advance because we’ll have to check to make sure no one else has reserved it and arrange for one of us to unlock the projector closet for you. It’s super fun and plus there are couches.
Are there any upcoming Crozier events we should keep an eye out for?
On October 23rd we’re bringing in Sister Outsider, with the help of many other groups on campus (including Her Campus!) They’re brilliant, famous slam poets who talk about race, gender, sexuality, and identity in general. You can check them out here! http://www.sisteroutsiderpoetry.com/
Aside from Crozier, where else can people find you on campus?
My very favorite spot is the Crozier porch, but that doesn’t answer the question I suppose! I spend a lot of time in Smather because I’m obsessed with psychology and neuroscience. I always joke that I just love brains. I’m also always in admissions—I’m a senior admissions fellow and the student event intern (I help plan visit days), plus the people in the office are awesome.
What is your favorite Kenyon memory?
My first year here we got our first substantial snow late one week night in October or November. My friends and I all went to bed, but then just a little bit later, someone texted, “SNOWBALL FIGHT” to the group, and so we all went outside in our boots and pajamas and had a huge snowball fight on the first-year quad at midnight. It was very “college-y” and sticks out in my mind as one of the first times I felt like I had really found my place at Kenyon.
At the beginning of this year, I stumbled upon your submission to the Thrill “My Parting Advice to You.” It was a very moving and thoughtful piece about your experiences with depression. In it, you gave the Kenyon community some good advice, encouraging us all to accept our emotions instead of pushing them away. What inspired you to write this narrative?
It was very much a healing process for me to write. I was in a pretty nasty environment in high school but was good mentally because I just put up a block and didn’t let myself feel anything as a defense mechanism. Then, when I came to college, it all fell apart because once I was in an accepting environment that wall very much broke down. This was definitely not clear to me at the time—pushing the emotions down was just what I was doing to survive—and so writing that piece was another way for me to practice expressing my emotions rather than tamping them down and hoping they go away.
But the second part of it was about visibility. Cutting is such a very stigmatized thing, even within mental health-positive communities, and I didn’t know anyone who cut and certainly didn’t want to tell anyone about it. But what that meant was that I was dealing with something very powerful on my own and didn’t have the tools or support I needed. Slowly I started telling people as it got harder and harder to hide (because for a while, even though I was getting treatment, the depression got quite worse) and I found that actually two people whom I was very close to and very much looked up to had both struggled with self harm and had gotten better. They both shared resources with me and talked to me when I didn’t know what else to do and it was really the first point when I realized there was an “other side” to this, and that this was something that I could eventually be “over.” I got to spend a lot of time over the summer getting better, and I’m really really hopeful about the track I’m on, and I wanted to be that person to others who my two friends were to me.
Thank you for sharing your story. It was powerful, and I know it will help other Kenyon students who are experiencing similar situations. Now that you have written and published the piece, is there any advice you would like to add?
Thank you for reading it, and I’m so glad that you liked it! I think the only thing I would have added if I had had more room is to tell people to be forgiving of themselves. Because I was in such a hostile place in high school, I put an incredible amount of pressure on myself to be the best and not make any mistakes and do everything perfectly to prove to everyone around me that I could be a “good person” and gay. But what that turned into was just me running myself ragged and not taking care of myself once I got into college. Like I said in the piece, I would berate myself every time I had “feelings” because part of that being perfect complex was not needing support and not letting anything affect me. So as part of allowing yourself to have feelings, you’ve also got to allow yourself to make mistakes. I’m not as far along in that path as I am in other parts of my mental health journey, but I’m learning every day!
You also mentioned how the “unconditional support of many Kenyonites” helped you begin to recover. As students and members of the Kenyon community, what do you think we can do to help people who may be struggling with depression or other forms of mental illness? How can we create a welcoming, accepting environment for our peers?
Visibility and listening. Or, perhaps more catchy: “talking and listening.” Like I said above, one really important step in my process was being able to talk to someone who had been in my position before. Another really important part of my recovery has been having a mentor who also was/is not really a fan of feelings and so now, oddly enough, we feel more comfortable talking to each other about feelings because we’re coming from the same place. So if you’re in a place where you’ve been through struggles and you’re able to talk about them, do so! It can be really important for others who are feeling very alone.
And if you’re not in a place where you’re able to talk, then listen! One thing about mental health is that it’s often a very hush-hush subject, and so it’s tough to bring it up. If someone does, then being a non-judgmental, compassionate ear is sometimes the most helpful thing you can be. Like I said above, many of my problems stemmed from refusing to acknowledge or talk about feelings, and for someone to talk, there’s got to be someone on the receiving end! You can be that person for others.
It was amazing to get to know Madi! Be sure to say hi to her if you see her around campus, and stop by Crozier for bunny hours or Netflix!
Image sources: Madi Thompson