If you combined all possible methods of social media procrastination, Facebook would most definitely be the pot of gold at the end of that glorious rainbow. Videos, GIFS, political arguments, and recipes you will never attempt in your life make this outlet the most varied and dangerous site to check. But, as any seasoned Internet-procrastinator knows, the process of getting lost on Facebook always begins innocently. As an attempt to nail down what exactly leads you from Aunt Mary’s status about her cat to a video tutorial on how to make your nails look like all of Beyoncé’s children, here are the documented stages of checking Facebook:
1. The Urge
You’re in the middle of writing an incredibly important paper for your English class that has to be finished by tonight. Naturally, you begin to wonder what’s going on in the outside world since you’ve withdrawn into a cubicle on the third floor of the library for an entire fifteen minutes. But, you’re dedicated to being a good student—so you continue to finish typing your name and date on the corner of the page.
2. The FOMO
Wait. What if something absolutely incredibly amazing is happening right now? Are you missing something? What if the most important status of all time has been uploaded and you’re completely ignorant? You could be missing the cutest video of a baby ever seen by anyone as we speak.
3. The Surrender
Okay, okay. You’ll check super quick. Literally just look at the top status and that’s all. Just make sure the world is spinning. Ah, look at that. Your cousin’s friend’s kid’s friend was a mermaid for Halloween. Incredible. Didn’t your 7-year-old neighbor also wear that costume? Let’s check.
4. Inevitable Stalking
Wow. You had no idea Katrina broke up with Dan. They were literally just at a gender-reveal party for Emily. Katrina is definitely winning the breakup—she’s checked into the gym like 5 times this week and just posted her plane ticket to Rome. She also shared a video on how to make homemade cheeseburger onion rings which look DELICIOUS.
5. The Rabbit Hole
It’s 2 and a half hours later. You have watched a startling total of 20 Tasty videos, and you’ve cried at least twice at videos of babies hearing their mom’s voice for the first time. You can contour using an apple and a toothpick, and you can build an entire shelf out of a cardboard box.
The real question is, can you finish an entire paper in less than an hour?
Bonus Tips
If you’re finding this issue seriously #relatable, you’re not alone. Thanks to even more technology, there are ways to get away from such a major distraction:
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Focus, the Mac App, blocks websites on your computer you find yourself wandering to during work hours. For however long you need, you will be forced to be totally blocked from social media, free to focus!
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FocusBooster, an iOS app, monitors your concentration by timing out a break every 25 minutes from work. These built-in breaks give you time to check social media in a select amount of time to get a brain-break and stay on track!
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The old-fashioned “give your roommate your phone and tell them not to give it to you even if you cry” trick. Staying on task can be hard on your own, especially doing something you aren’t so hot about. Don’t hesitate to use all of your resources to keep distractions at bay!