I finally caved. After five years of listening to all the hype and obsession, I finally decided to start watching Game of Thrones. I watched this first episode with some of my friends—because how else would you watch the iconic first episode of GOT? By the way, they’re a little embarrassed about our reactions, so they have chosen to stay anonymous. Without further ado, here are thirty thoughts my friends and I had while watching the first episode of Game of Thrones.
1. The opening scene is going to be Ohio in two months: cold and covered in snow. Kill me.
2. Man rides in on horse. Friend: “Is he hot?” my friend asks.
3. Guy takes off his hood. Friend: “Answer, no. My interest level is down.”
4. DISMEMBERED BODIES.
5. DISMEMBERED BODIES IN A SHAPE.
6. DISMEMBERED BODIES are now mysteriously… gone? “Maybe it was a hallucination…?” I asked. “Yeah, like that time I took Tylenol and wine!” my friend said.
7. Murderous zombie child slowly turns around. “Them blue eyes, though…” I said.
8. Decapitation. Lovely.
9. Everyone’s hair is on point in this show. Especially the guy with his beard tied under his chin. #goals
10. Beheading someone in front of your ten-year-old son is not exactly a fantastic parenting decision.
11. People are mean to Jon Snow. “Why is everyone so mean to the hot one?” my friend asked.
12. Creepy rock eye things appear on dead man. I jump seven feet in the air, hit boyfriend and knock over half of bedside table.
13. Yup, Joffrey and Sansa definitely just had eye sex.
14. King fat shames Ned. Ned laughs. “He’s laughing to hide the pain,” I said.
15. King talks about cracking skulls and fucking girls. “Get you a man that can do both,” I said.
16. “Jamie looks like Prince Charming from Shrek,” said my friend.
17. Okay, I never had a brother but I’m pretty sure stripping your sister down and analyzing her boobs is a no-no. “THAT’S a nipple,” said my friend.
18. Can I be Daenarys? She is honestly perfect.
19. Arya is my spirit animal.
20. Scary guy walks in with his guyliner.
21. “I love a guy with guyliner,” said my friend. “I don’t,” I said, as I looked pointedly at boyfriend to make sure he got the message.
22. Half-naked men and women grinding at the savage feast/party. “Old K parties be like…” said my friend.
23. Man gets stabbed at savage feast/party. “And there’s another intestine I never needed to see,” I said.
24. Daenarys’s brother tells her to “make him happy.” There’s an immediate feminist eruption in the room.
25. Guyliner guy makes it clear that “no” is the only English word he knows. “Taking a leaf out of Megan Trainor’s book. I can respect that.” said my friend.
26. Bran climbs another wall. “Bran, you little shit,” I muttered.
29. OH MY GOD, IT’S TWINCEST
30. BRAN NOOOOOOOO!!!!
“That was fucked up,” my friend said at the end of the episode. “Yeah,” I responded. There was a general silence before I said, “Let’s watch more.” Anyone who’s watched Game of Thrones knows that it’s an emotional rollercoaster—but you always want more. Put simply, I’m hooked.
Image credits: Giphy.com