It’s the most wonderful time of the year, at least that’s what we’re told. It’s the Halloween costumes, the Thanksgiving meals, the Christmas presents under the tree. Everywhere you look, from September and well into the new year and February, there’s a holiday decoration in every window and a seasonal ad on every screen.
So why, in a time of cheer and glee, are many of us just counting the days until we’re back in the old routine? Why is the season of festivities also the season of anxiety, frustration and depression? If you know what I’m talking about, you’re not alone.
In fact, in 2023, the American Psychological Association conducted a survey of 2,061 adults about their stress levels during the holiday season, specifically between November and January. Their reports showed 41% of the participants stated their stress levels increased during the joyous time, and out of that group, 43% stated that the stress actually interfered with enjoying the holiday season.
But why?
Dr. Potter with the Cleveland Clinic, who coined the phenomenon as Holiday depression, explained how “Holiday depression can happen to anybody, no matter who you are, because there are so many things that could trigger it….there’s a sense of being on the outside looking in, and that idea that everybody else is having a great time when you’re not or don’t feel like you can.”
The first and most well-known culprit is Seasonal Depression. The Mayo Clinic explains that Seasonal Affective Disorder, or SAD for short (can’t say it’s not on brand), is a “type of depression that’s related to changes in seasons” that “begins and ends at about the same times every year. If you’re like most people…..symptoms start in the fall and continue into the winter months, sapping your energy and making you feel moody.”
Important to note, although a valid reason for a lower mood during the holiday season, the National Institute of Mental Health has emphasized in their discussion of SAD, that it is not interchangeable with the anxiety and stressors brought on specifically by holiday planning. “The depression associated with SAD is related to changes in daylight hours, not the calendar, so stresses associated with the holidays or predictable seasonal changes in work or school schedules, family visits, and so forth are not the same as SAD.”
So if it’s not just the lack of sun and the growing amount of dead plants, why does this season tend to pull out a variety of emotions?
Let’s cut out the obvious. As we get older and become adults, we are not catered to the same way we were as children, and that holds true for the holiday season. No more trick or treating, no more believing in Santa Claus. You’ve been shown the work behind the curtain, and in some cases, it is now up to you to put on the show for others.
Although there is fulfillment in the rite of passage that is preparing for the holidays, now, instead of just being presented with them, it’s also the final nail in the coffin. You’ve grown up. It’s over.
Now, when we see the advertisements, we’re not just looking at the toys on the page, but the actual prices. We’re shown colorful pictures of Thanksgiving meals, and now have to think about what we are bringing to the family dinner. The lights decorating the town are beautiful, but you can’t help but wonder how long it took to put them all up.
Though the holiday magic always comes back every year, a bit of the mystique leaves with it and doesn’t return.
With another Thanksgiving or another winter concert comes a new realization. That time of year already? Life gets busier as we get older, and the years seem to end sooner; change is always occurring, even if the day on the calendar stays the same. New homes to celebrate in after a move, new people to celebrate with after a wedding or birth, and the cold reminder that last year was someone’s last.
Then there’s the biggest white elephant present of them all. ‘Tis the season! Be grateful! Be with family! Be happy! Be everything that makes life worth living! You know, that little thing. Poets say the colder months are the time to slow down, TikTok says it’s the time to throw a spotlight on your decorating skills and charity acts so the world can see how you measure up. Childhood films are playing, great aunt Susan’s cookbook makes its yearly arrival, everyone is together in a crowded, ribbon-wrapped house and you have no excuse not to be your merriest.
It can be as simple as burnout. Party after party, dinner after dinner. Gifts, food, costumes, decorations all litter the to-do list as the months blur together. There’s less time to anticipate the holidays when you’re just trying to make time to catch your breath every time another event creeps up on you.
In a study made by The Ohio State Wexner Medical Center, in a national survey with 1,000 American adults, 46% of the survey respondents admitted to receiving less time to themselves over the holidays. But in the flurry of festivities, it is really no surprise. And all the while, the world tells you to smile through the exhaustion. It only comes once a year after all.
If you see yourself in any of these struggles, remember that you’re not alone. Thousands of people feel the dread of the whimsical season. So then what? What can be done about all of this? It’s not as simple as having a Hallmark movie cry and everyone group hugs to the credit roll, so what’s there to be done?
The biggest step to take is knowing your own limits. What is your budget for presents? How much time can you allocate to cooking or cleaning without putting your own health on the back burner? We have jobs, we have school, we have hobbies and interests that take up our time.
And even if you try to power through and fight your way through the holidays, you’re just going to end up miserable and put off with the entire affair. You have to think about what your life looks like during this season and what boundaries need to be placed for you to actually enjoy yourself. Stating what you can and can’t do that year is crucial to keeping yourself from being burnt out or disillusioned with the joyous season.
Then you have the more emotional barriers. How do we accept the changes a new holiday season sheds light on? Better yet, how do we move on from how things used to be? The answer is simple, if not a little ironic. We reach out. This time of year is about connection, and chances are if the season is turning you blue, you’re not the only one affected. Connect with others on what you’ve lost and what you’ve gained as time marches forward; lean on those you love for support. Ask for help when you’re spread too thin.
Find someone you can rely on, and be someone that can be relied on. Marisa Miller, in a New York Times article, confronted many of these realities and came to the same conclusions about boundaries and especially connections. In her words, “While ‘Your tribe is your vibe’ might sound trite, it rings especially true during the holidays. If a certain friend or group of friends is pushing the holiday agenda too far, consider tactfully declining, or suggesting others that might brighten everyone’s spirits.”
Remember what these holidays are for. The days are shorter, the temperature’s dipping lower and no one can brave the storm alone.