I think when someone “has a crush,” it sounds inherently childish. When you hear the word crush you probably think about you and your friends in middle school, using code names, like pineapple, for the cute boys in your class. Despite the childish connotation associated, a lot of people view crushes as the exact opposite- the most serious situation you can be in. If you tell someone you have a crush, they think you have fallen madly in love and want to marry immediately.Â
Overall, I think crushes are never taken the right way and I am pushing for a resurgence of crushing!Â
Crushes inspire flirting, and flirting makes the world go round! I’ve had crushes on people I’ve worked with, passed in the hallway, people I follow on Instagram or the cute boy I saw with glasses. If you are reading this, I could easily have a crush on you.Â
Crushes are fun, let’s lean into that.Â
What exactly is a crush? My definition (since you are dying to know) is just being interested in another person in some kind of way; this can be with the intention of dating, kissing or just getting to know them. Oxford says a crush is a brief but intense infatuation for someone, especially someone unattainable or inappropriate.Â
An unattainable crush is my personal favorite!Â
The word infatuation suggests a short-lived feeling that usually ends up going away. This is why I would argue that we need to use the word crush more universally. We need to free ourselves from the embarrassing, horrifying nature of a crush. A crush is not our capture, it is our freedom! Stating you have a crush does not mean you are shackled to love them for life, it just means you have a new person to think about. Taking the pressure off of what a crush means to you gives you the ability to gain and lose crushes more easily.Â
Dr. Jess Carbino, a relationship and online dating expert said, “Crushes are a way for us to remain in the state where we don’t have to take action. They allow us to live in that fantasy world and to experiment with the idea of love being more perfect and less messy than it actually is in reality.”Â
I have heard, “A crush is just a lack of information.” And I definitely agree, but this can be the fun of it, as long as you aren’t taking it too seriously. Not every crush means you are completely romantically invested. You can be interested in someone secretly without the pressure of having to take any real action. This lack of information adds some interest to your life as you try to find out more, even if it leads to nothing.Â
While crushes should be talked about more freely, I don’t want to overlook one of the most fun parts of having a crush, keeping it a secret. Obviously, as a kid, the most embarrassing thing ever would be someone finding out who you like, especially that person. And while it’s fun telling your friends and whispering little secrets about what they look like that day, not telling everyone in sight is a better way to go about it. Let it be your little secret between you and yourself!Â
I will argue against myself here because I think overall we need to decenter romantic love. It is not the only way to feel whole and passionate. Having little crushes that don’t completely consume every part of you is only possible if you have a strong sense of identity. However, I do think having more short-term fun crushes and working on not letting them consume every fiber of your being is the perfect way to practice detachment.
Mary Oliver said, “Flowers are sweet. They have short, beatific lives. They offer much pleasure. There is nothing in the world that can be said against them.”
Start thinking of a crush just like that!