Undefeated in football since 1859, my high school was in a league of its own. It helped that it was an all-girls school, but semantics. Today is the start of Women’s History Month, and it seemed like a good time to reflect on my high school experience. I’m about to graduate college in May, and the idea that high school was four years ago seems wild and also longer ago than that.
I get a lot of questions about my high school because of the nature of its students and where it was. SMA, a private school in the middle of downtown Portland, Oregon, had around 500 students and was all girls. The only men I saw in the school itself were the four male teachers who taught inside its walls. People were just as surprised then as they are now when I tell them that I attended the school because I wanted to and not because I was forced to. My parents were and still are strong believers in letting me make my own decisions and knowing what’s right for me.
I attended a middle school with a graduating class of 30 kids, six girls. SIX. I spent years K-8 surrounded by the same boys and the same girls for nine years. By the time high school decisions rolled around, I was confident in choosing SMA and not looking back. Being in downtown Portland OR, made the experience of the school unique all on its own for many reasons, but the actual all-girls aspect had a larger impact on me and my self-development over the four years I was there. I loved SMA. Loved it. I don’t regret going there at all and am glad to this day that I had such a unique high school experience, even if it meant missing out on some of the things others find normal, like homecoming and football games.
Attending an all-girls school was fundamental to my personal development, confidence and overall outlook on various situations. It pushed me to try things I never thought I would want to do and gave me the strength to reach for the things that would otherwise not have been seen as accomplishable. At the time, the idea of doing scary things in front of women was way less intimidating than doing it in front of boys. I still think that’s true, but at the time, I could convince myself to do something I was nervous about because I felt comfortable in my environment. SMA helped me find my footing in myself and what I cared about. I gave a memorized speech in front of 500 people, worked on musicals, used power tools, helped guide tours for new students and joined class discussions without fear of being judged. Being around six girls and 24 boys for nine years depleted my self-esteem for a range of reasons, and SMA brought a lot of it back. I think it helped me build a foundation more than anything, I knew what it was like to struggle in an environment that wasn’t easy, and that gave me a strong base to go into college.
Attending SMA also made me extremely prepared for college curriculum, writing and academics as a whole. It gave me the confidence to go to school for something I had long dreamed about (fashion design) and, later, the confidence to change that to merchandising. I spent a long time struggling in high school and even into college, but I’m sure that having the high school experience I did was critical in not giving up and continuing to fight for the things I wanted for myself. The school also fostered fierce independence in all students, letting us express ourselves (within the confines of a dress code) and our beliefs by participating in walkouts and other forms of protesting that took place downtown for a variety of social and political movements.
I feel it’s important to note that while I loved the school, it wasn’t perfect. There were a lot of problems with it that can’t be overlooked but also aren’t necessary to discuss here. Some of the issues that do matter in this explanation are the cultivation of competition, stress and unhealthy habits. This isn’t to say the whole school was a part of these things, but it was notable in all of my friends around me and has been something we’ve talked about when looking back on our time there. It’s also not necessarily a reflection of the school but of the “college preparatory” aspect enforced through difficult assignments and a challenging curriculum. I loved my teachers, my environment and a lot of things about the school itself that aren’t reflective of its challenges. It became noticeable after leaving the school that the intense competition fostered between students drove friends apart rather than closer and caused burnout much higher than friends at other schools.
Another aspect of SMA that wasn’t great was the drama aspect. I didn’t know anyone in attendance who didn’t deal with a big friend group drama or situation of some kind regarding their friendships. While taking the drama of boys out helped in a lot of ways, there were constant problems between friends, usually provoked by the constant direct entanglement that came from being in such a small school. Extracurriculars became another source of competition; friends compared who had more obligations, more homework, longer practices or stayed in leadership positions. While the school has many negatives and makes me seem crazy for saying I loved it, all the bad evened out with the good and also taught me a lot. Four years in an environment like this one, I learned how to stand up for myself, be confident in everything I presented, turned in and participated in, and find out what mattered most to me in friendships and hard situations.
