Best defined by Urban Dictionary, skinny shaming is “When someone is naturally skinny and people tell them that they need to eat a cheeseburger. Basically, shaming someone for being skinny because you think that they are choosing to be skinny when in fact they aren’t.”
I have always been skinny. I am the designated middle-seat rider in cars, the one who always sits on other peoples laps and the one who people like to pick up and spin around for no reason.
When I was a freshman in high school both my doctor and my family thought I was anorexic. This is not something to joke about it. I was put on a milkshake-a-day diet (which I thought was pretty awesome, but that’s besides the point). The words anorexic or eating disorder never came out of their mouths, but when comments about my height-weight ratio and eating habits increased I knew what was on their minds. No one believed me when I said I had been eating loads of food, probably more than normal. No one believed me when I said that I had never, and still have never, made myself throw up after eating. I knew I was perfectly healthy, but I had to go see a nutritionist anyway.
The nutritionist told me if I reached a certain weight (a few pounds less than what I was at the time) something would just click on in my brain and I wouldn’t be able to control it. I wouldn’t be able to control my weight, my eating habits or my health. Once I hit that magic number I would no longer be in control, and that is a very scary thought to wrap your mind around.
Eating disorders are part nature and part nurture, both genetic and needing an environmental trigger. Knowing that relatives have had eating disorders and knowing my trigger was a certain weight put things into perspective. This story still stands with me today. Although I am perfectly healthy, my trigger is always lingering. Exercising too much worries me. I fear I will set off the trigger, but not exercising enough makes me feel unhealthy.
I’ve been asked numerous times: “What is your secret? How are you so skinny?”. My answer is always genetics. My grandmothers are built the same way, I’m just taller. This response is usually followed by an “I’m so jealous” or “That’s too good to be true.”
The most common comment I receive is, “Why do you even work out? You are so skinny!” Just because I’m skinny doesn’t mean I’m in shape. I don’t work out to lose weight, I work out to build my own strength and to stay healthy.
This may be read with criticism by people who think, “Why is she complaining about being skinny and getting constantly complemented on her figure?” But, as my parents always said, it is not what you say it is how you say it. Constantly commenting on how skinny someone is, is just as bad as making a comment about someone who is overweight. It is by no means a complement every time. There are so many stigmas about the need to have the perfect body and the need to be skinny. No, I’ve never had to experience my thighs rubbing together when I walk, but that gives you no right to make a comment.
“How do you eat so much and not gain any weight?”
“You didn’t eat all of your food, I’m concerned about you.”
“You need to put some meat on your bones.”
“You are so lucky.”
“You look so skinny.”
These are just a few phrases that are mentioned to me on a regular basis. They may seem simple at the core, but they add up. Any comment of this nature sets me up for criticism. I want to better myself, but my response needs to be tailored so I do not insult the asker. Skinny-shaming is a touchy subject because society views “skinny” as the ideal body image for women. However, there is a distinct difference between looking healthy and actually being healthy. As long as someone is mentally and physically healthy their dress size should not matter. There is always a subconscious battle which is largely impacted by skinny-shaming.
You never know someone’s story or lingering trigger so just remember your words can have a large impact so choose them wisely.