In my senior year of high-school, I made a promise to someone very special to me – my painting teacher.
She told me how in college she never got to study abroad because she had a boyfriend at the time who was opposed to her leaving the country for a few months because it would harm the relationship. So, she sacrificed a dream she had for a boy she did not even end up with in the long run.
She made me promise to never sacrifice my dreams for a man or a relationship.
College is, for many people, a foundational point in their lives. Where they leave the nest of their childhood home and learn to live on their own. This freedom can be exciting and what the beginnings of adulthood usually bring with them: career changes, new friendships, personalized decisions, romantic relationships. The last one can cause a hindrance and over complicate a lot of young women’ s lives.
Embrace the isolation
The college experience, especially for those living far from home, can be isolating and lonely. Many young women and men try to fill this void, subconsciously or not, through a romantic partnership. It is not healthy to put all your time and attention towards one person, nor to hide from your problems.
For many parts of your adult life, you will be alone and need to learn to navigate the world in-part by yourself. You should also depend on other people, one person does not have the energy or capabilities to give you everything you need.
You’re here for a bachelor’s not an MRS degree
It is important to remember that you are in college to get a degree to help launch your career and set you up for your goals and ambitions in life, not to get an MRS degree.
An MRS degree is a term for when a woman attends university with the zeal to find a man rather than an education. While this term is usually used by men to condescendingly put down women’s achievements, there are some women being sold this idea by radically right wing influencers. These women are sold the idea that a woman should subscribe to a domestic lifestyle.
Now, it is perfectly fine for a woman to want to be a stay-at-home-mom. However, taking a spot in a college from someone who legitimately wants to further their education and pursue a career is wrong. There are many women across the globe who are not legally allowed to even seek an education.
It took many years of protesting and fighting for women to have a fair shot to be admitted into colleges. It was not until 1983 where all Ivy League schools admitted women.
Abusive relationships
A relationship moving too fast can, some of the time, be a sign of abuse. If one partner is love bombing the other, isolating them from their friends and family, or requiring too much time together, these can be early signs of an abusive relationship.
It is important to slow down in a relationship, if you’ve only known someone for a few months you do not know if you can fully trust them, what they’re actually like and their full personality.
Take the time to get to know the person before you pledge a large part of your life to them, if they truly are someone worth sticking with they will respect your decision to take it slow.
Don’t put all your eggs in one basket
Lastly, it is important that as a young adult you do a majority of your living for you! You don’t know where life will take you in the next few years, you might decide to stay in school to get your Masters or take a gap year to travel and get a job opportunity on the other side of the country.
While it is important to establish a social circle of dependable friends, just like your high school friend group, it is unlikely you’ll stay in touch with all of them for the rest of your life. So please, live for yourself.
There is an abundance of people out there who would be more than happy to build a relationship with you, so do not put all your eggs in one basket. Try a little bit of everything and see what works and doesn’t, do not let one area of your life consume you.
