Starting during April of this year, I felt a sinking feeling that I was racing towards the end of an era. Everyone always says that your first day of college as a freshman would be the biggest change of your young life, but I am here to argue that another shift in school year is a lot more drastic. I felt a deeper sense of growing up and losing childhood, leaving my dorm as a sophomore, than I ever did entering it for the first time as a freshman.
I have been trying to give a voice to this feeling all summer because college really feels like two separate entities when you go from an under to an upperclassman. The different sets of two years each come with their own challenges, of course, but the switch into junior year is hitting me a lot harder than my switch out of high school.
For example, I spent the entirety of my senior year of high school brimming with excitement for college. Maybe COVID-19 is to blame for stealing the majority of my “traditional” high school experience, or maybe it was just outgrowing my hometown, but I could not wait to get started on this new chapter.
Sure, freshman year was far from flawless, but I wouldn’t change those memories for the world. I truly believe I spent too much time trying to build a resume with student organizations, make friends, go to parties and succeed in classes I actually cared about to stress about growing up too fast. Freshman year moved faster than a bullet, and I honestly think that for the most part, there was too much excitement and opportunity on my horizon two years ago that I didn’t even have time to slow down long enough to realize how far I’d come.
Sophomore year was really one in the same, more clubs, more work, more friends and more stupid mistakes coupled with more treasured memories. Sophomore year, I was basically the same person as freshman year me, with just a little bit more confidence that comes with not being the new kid on campus.
In your second year of college, you relax and revel in the fact that although you’re not a freshman, you aren’t nearing the end. There’s still a wide expanse of time in front of you to enjoy college, but at the same time, you get that one year of experience under your belt, and it truly feels like such a sweet spot for me.
Then, when sophomore year ended, I got hit with an unstoppable wave of sadness. I had stayed in the exact same dorm room for the first two years of college and leaving it behind was devastating. I don’t remember the last time I cried so hard. Moving into an apartment with some of my best friends in the world was all I ever wanted, but at the same time, leaving that room hit me so much harder than leaving my childhood bedroom in 2023.
This shift in living arrangement was the first big change I had to cope with because although I love my apartment, it takes ten times the adult responsibilities to manage than my dorm did. Paying rent, cleaning bathrooms, doing dishes, taking the bus to class and buying groceries were all a huge shock once the time to move in finally came. Suddenly, it wasn’t just a little slumber party, but a huge, very grown-up responsibility.
Junior year also meant internships and having to actually reckon with the fact that I will have to enter the job market within the next two years. I vividly remember telling myself freshman year that it was okay to not start internships immediately and that it will be a “junior year problem.” That memory feels like yesterday, but unfortunately, I can’t use that excuse anymore. Having my childhood best friend away at her internship this past summer also wasn’t helpful for my denial that I really am an adult now and my hometown friends are growing up, too.
Not to mention, I turned 20 in June, and I got this feeling that I was expected to be a lot more of an adult now than I was expected to be at 18. Even the jobs I have currently in all my student organizations are the only jobs I’ve ever wanted since freshman year, and now I just have them. I blinked and everything I dreamed of; promotions, apartment, major-exclusive classes just became mine and I feel like I haven’t even processed that joy because of how quickly it happened.
Freshman and sophomore years have an air of immaturity and a learning curve about them. Yes, you are living alone and responsible for feeding yourself for the first time ever, but nobody says anything if all you do is eat out for dinner or change your major nine times because you are still, at your core, a stupid teenager just trying to figure out the beginnings of college and adulthood.
Now, for the second half of college, adulthood is upon you, and a lot of the things you could get away with back then aren’t as endearing or forgivable anymore. Time no longer feels like an unlimited resource, and I somehow feel graduation breathing down my neck already.
I really don’t mean to be this cynical; it’s just something that happens to me because I really am so incredibly happy with where I’m at right now. Sure, I spent the majority of the student organization fair wishing I could suck out the bright-eyed and bushy-tailed exuberance from all the freshmen at the A Magazine station, but I also spent the entirety of my own freshman year willing to do anything to be on the other side of the table.
I needed so desperately to have security, leadership jobs, stable friendships and it just goes to show that we always want what someone else has. I am absolutely terrified to reckon with the fact that I am more than halfway done with my college career already, but I am so proud of everything I’ve done and I am so grateful for everyone I’ve met that’s helped me along. I know that eventually I’ll figure out a post-college life, but for now, I am striving to find contentment through living in the moment and making the best of my second half of college while I still can.