Selfish: “lacking consideration for others; concerned chiefly with one’s own personal profit or pleasure.”
For the longest time, I’ve been a people pleaser. I’ve always found myself doing things I didn’t want to do just to fulfill someone else’s happiness. This has resulted in me constantly apologizing.
I’ve found myself apologizing before anything had even happened, or I’d even use it as a temporary solution to my problems. If I were in some sort of conflict with someone, I always found that saying sorry was the quickest way to end the conflict. This would avoid any sort of confrontation (another fear of mine). This would leave me content knowing that they were no longer upset with me, but also upset because I never got to express how I properly felt. I was not the selfish one who put their feelings before others.
Putting others first is a big part of being a people pleaser, and sure, you don’t want to be selfish, and you should care for others, but when does putting others first become a problem?
A few weeks ago, I found myself ranting to my roommate when we came across the idea of being selfish. I had recently apologized to a friend for if I had recently come off as “rude,” or “selfish.” There was no conflict I needed to apologize for; I just felt the need to.
For context, this was our first time talking in a while, and they’re one of my best friends. We went to different colleges and it was clear that college had caused us to drift. I felt like I had been “rude,” or “selfish,” lately because I had been focusing on myself, and all the opportunities I had been given in college were fulfilling my life with the excitement I had always wanted.
My roommate then told me something that had stuck with me. She told me, “Now’s the time to be selfish.” Now, referencing college, future careers, independence and finding who you are.
It may be cliché to say, but college truly is the time for self-discovery and finding who you want to be. You’re not going to be the same as you were in high school, as your life will look totally different.
In an article from Journey Magazine, they interviewed college students on what being selfish meant to them and one student said, “Choosing yourself. Focusing on you. Loving yourself. Using this time to discover all the weird and wonderful things that make you unique.”
When you go to college, you’ll be hit with the weight of new schooling, new people and a totally new environment. It’s important to meet new people in college, join clubs and figure out what you want for your future.
This doesn’t mean you need to abandon your high school friends and hometown relationships, but you won’t have as much time to talk to them on a daily basis. This doesn’t make you selfish; it just shows you’re focusing on self-growth in this confusing time.
Honestly, this first semester of college has felt like the most exciting time of my life, as I’ve had the opportunity to discover so much about myself that I would’ve never discovered without going to college.
I’ve realized there’s nothing for me to apologize for. I’m just in the beginning of building the future I’ve always dreamed of.
So I challenge every young adult in college right now to apologize less and put themselves first. Just remember, if you’re going to be selfish at any point in your life, this is the time. Your story is just beginning.