So Valentine’s week has come, spat hard launches onto your social media feeds, and passed in the blink of an eye. You’re exhausted from all the sleuthing on people’s significant others’ instagrams, and you’ve seen enough public declarations of love to last you the rest of the year.
You might have celebrated Valentine’s with your own special someone, participated in galentines, maybe even gone through a break-up (sucky timing I must say. Sincerest apologies), or you just did nothing. Regardless, you are most definitely due a break from all that commercialised and amplified love in the air. Whether you want to laugh, see some gross men get their well-deserved karma, or just watch anything that’s not a soppy romance formulated to make you nauseous, here’s the watchlist for you…
No happily ever afters in sight, I promise.
Fresh
If you’re looking for a film that goes against the cookie cutter girl-meets-guy-they-fall-in-love-happy-ever-after-the-end, then look no further. Fresh takes the beginnings of a promising romance storyline and throws an absurd, jaw-dropping, wtf am I watching curve ball into the mix … and then some.
After a marathon of bad-luck dating, Noa (Daisy Edgar Jones) meets Steve (Sebastian Stan). They bond in the fruit aisle (never eating cotton candy grapes again) and she finally feels like she’s met a guy who’s halfway decent. She agrees to head off on a romantic getaway together, because of course going off with a practical stranger to an undisclosed location with patchy phone service is always a smart idea … and that, quite frankly, is when sh*t gets weird. Realising she has bitten off more than she can chew (if you know, you know), Noa has to use any means necessary to escape Steve’s clutches before her life is served up on a platter.
This film will have you catching your jaw to lift it off the ground. It’s so incredibly weird and insane, and I loved every minute. If you’re not a fan of gore or…unusual eating preferences … then maybe steer clear. But, hey, I did promise you something far from your typical romance, and this film is far from typical anything.
[Where to watch: Disney+]
Do Revenge
I did debate putting Mean Girls on this list, and as amazingly camp and iconic as that film is, ultimately the girl does get the guy. So, instead I’m recommending a film with the best of Mean Girls vibes, stirred in with a healthy helping of Clueless styling and sprinkled with a dash of Heathers’ dark comedy (the trifecta of camp Hollywood).
When resident IT girl, Drea’s (Camila Mendes), sex tape gets leaked without her consent, her entire life and finely-crafted high school kingdom gets turned upside down. Her only chance at regaining her social status and besting the lowlife boy who caused all this mess, is to team up with meek and mild new girl Eleanor (Maya Hawke). As they plot and scheme to serve karma to each other’s enemies (all while serving iconic fits pulled straight out of a 90s/2000s teen movie), will they be successful in exacting revenge, or will fighting fire with fire prove to blow up catastrophically in Drea’s face?
[Where to watch: Netflix]
Get Out
Boy meets girl. Boy falls in love with girl. Boy travels to girl’s childhood home to meet her parents. Boy has to fight for his life to escape. Boy, this film is no longer headed in the direction you were expecting …
Get Out is one of the best contemporary thrillers in my opinion. Jordan Peele takes the genre to a whole different level. Get Out isn’t your typical horror, there’s no gore for the sake of gore, no axe-wielding killers lurking in the trees, this film genuinely creeped me out because the true danger lies in the friendly faces of the people sleeping in the same house. If you want a film with shockingly good twists and turns, terror and suspense that will have you on the edge of your seat wanting to literally scream at the TV, “GET OUT!”, and powerful social commentary on white liberalism, then you’ve lucked out.
[Where to watch: Netflix]
Someone Great
Okay, so this film is somewhat your typical romcom. BUT don’t discount it yet … the storyline takes place after the happily ever after, when happily proves to be not so ever after. Following a devastating break-up with her long-term college love, Jenny (Gina Rodriguez) is determined to have one last night of adventure in NYC all while navigating the grieving process of her break-up.
Someone Great is a true testament to the bittersweet nature of love, the impact of any type of loss, and the healing power of female friendships. You’ll find yourself laughing and sobbing alongside Jenny, as she is forced to bid goodbye to her college sweetheart, to her twenties, and to her old life, lifted up – and sometimes even dragged along – by her best friends. I would say Someone Great is less of a romcom, and more a heartfelt and true to life coming-of-age movie. As the true love in the film lies not in who she believed to be the love of her life, but in her friendship with her real life partners – her two best friends.
[Where to watch: Netflix]
Ready Or Not
In the mood for a brilliant, suspenseful, action-packed dark comedy horror film? I’ve got you sorted. On the eve of her wedding, Grace (Samara Weaving) unknowingly seals herself into a contract of life or death. Staying at her in-laws’ grandiose manor house, the new bride partakes in a decades’ old family tradition – game night. But upon drawing the Hide and Seek card, this family game night is launched into a deadly arena.
As Grace is hunted down like a dog by her in-laws, Ready or Not lays out a deliciously satirical exposé on class struggle, as the rich v.s. poor becomes an entertaining edge-of-your-seat game of lethal warfare. An hour and a half of immense fun, you’ll have a ball watching this one.
[Where to watch: Amazon Prime]
Happy watching!