I spend all my time with my friends, many of whom, are girls. I hear the phrase ‘I hate men’ at least twice a day, without fail. Throughout this article I want to explore this mindset that many people have nowadays. Should we hate men? Do all women hate men? What does saying this do to our mindset about men?
Personally, I don’t hate men as a whole. I’m sure I’ve said the phrase ‘I hate men’ before but I don’t think I really meant it. I just said it out of anger or hurt. You can’t deny there are some incredible men in the world, some of my favourites include; Jude Law, Andrew Garfield and Loyle Carner (how could you hate such beautiful humans?) I decided to ask some of my female friends who say the phrase ‘I hate men’ why they do say it. A wonderful woman said “I rarely say it but I think when I do its to express how I hate how ignorant and selfish they can be in a world that is constructed to cater to them. I feel like it makes them arrogant at times, that they can just do everything, and their unwillingness to create change because why would they want to change in a world that is so great for them (specifically upper class white males)”. Other responses I had were about how their brains work in a different way that can be less sensitive than women’s. Another response was “They are generally emotionally stunted, and their insecurities made them audacious and volatile.” I think the conclusions I can draw from these responses is it’s about how men think and how it’s extremely different to women so we struggle to understand some of their behaviours.
Let’s look at the science behind this. Research has found that female brains have more blood flow to the part of the brain called the cingulate gyrus which is involved in processing emotions, and are therefore better at it. Males have less connections in their verbal centres and their emotions and memories. This is said to be the reason why men don’t tend to be as good communicators as women. All this research raises the question, can we blame men for what is innate to them? I think women often feel hurt by men because they act less empathetic, perhaps this is actually because of the way their brain is wired.
Now to look at the other side of the coin. How do men feel when they hear women say how much they hate men. I think out of my sample, about 50% understand it and 50% don’t. Out of the men who understand, I was getting responses like “I think men can appear entitled, so I understand” and “It’s justified so I don’t mind when people say it”. However, the response I found most interesting was “I agree but women are equally as bad”. This stumped me when I first read it. I firstly felt offended, then I thought surely he is just offended women say it and he has taken it to heart. However, after really mulling it over I think I’ve realised men and women can be fundamentally very different. After the research stated above, perhaps it’s expected that we often don’t understand why the other sex acts how they act. However, maybe this is how we should start thinking about it. Rather than jumping to conclusions and saying how much you hate half of the whole population; take a minute and think why. At the end of the day, you can’t expect everyone else to act like how you would act in situations. You can only take responsibility for your actions and your mindset.
I don’t want this article to come across like I love all men and women shouldn’t voice their anger against them. I have dealt with many awful men in my 19 years of living and I’m sure I will deal with many more. I am learning new things everyday about how men act, how they feel in situations, how their brains are wired. I am enjoying learning these things and finding the men which I want in my life. The men who will walk me home when it’s dark or who phone me when I’m alone. The ones who understand the struggles of being a woman and want to be part of the solution, not the cause. When these men exist, can we really hate them all?