When we think about people who practice their religious beliefs, there is a binary that we box them in. On the one hand, there are those who believe and ardently follow the rules prescribed in their scripture, whilst on the other hand, there are the non-believers, those who choose not to follow these rules. But what about people who find themselves somewhere in the middle? Those who might believe in the religion and some of its teachings, who acknowledge the existence of a higher power but follow the rules selectively and find themselves in a disagreement with God. These people can be described as confused or as skeptical. People who find themselves unable to relate with the believers and the non-believers, those who feel certain in their relationship to God (or the absence of it) and are sure that their beliefs are the right ones.
I came across this idea of the confused Muslim girl when reading Elif Shafak’s book, ‘Three Daughters of Eve’. Growing up as the youngest child in her household, Nazperi Nalbantoglu had always felt like she was stuck in the middle between her parents’ fights surrounding Islam. Her mother is a devout Muslim who believes strongly in Allah and the afterlife, while her father is more of a skeptic who challenges Islamic beliefs and rituals. The mother disapproves of her husband drinking raki (an alcoholic drink) daily, while he disapproves of the mother’s blind submission to Allah and her choosing to cover herself from head to toe. Her father understands that he can’t possibly answer all of his daughter’s questions relating to God, so he buys her a notebook in which she can write her thoughts. The special feature of this book is that previous writing can be erased and she can begin again. Mensur, her father, says, “Do you know why I’m still fond of God? Because he is lonely, Percim, like me… like you […] hardly anyone goes to the trouble to get to know Him.” From the day Peri receives this notebook as a child into the days that she attends Oxford university as an adult, she writes her thoughts about God daily, hoping to better understand Him.
The question of God is a dominant feature in Peri’s life even after she leaves her home in Turkey to attend Oxford University in England. There she meets two girls from different Muslim backgrounds: Mona, a devout Muslim woman who is involved in a host of activism and chooses to cover herself with a hijab, and Shirin, a non-believer whose family had to flee Iran to escape the fundamentalist regime. Though in a different environment and far away from home, the dynamic between her parents is played out between her friends when they all live together in a student home come Second Semester. Mona and Shirin are constantly at odds with each other, unable to understand the other’s perspective because they are both viewing the other person through their own biases and prejudices. Mona views Shirin as being a “self-hating Muslim”, someone who has abandoned her faith and chosen temporary pleasure in the Dunya (world) in the form of alcohol, a boyfriend, and atheism. Whereas Shirin sees Mona as being in denial about the challenges young Muslim women face in the world, choosing ignorance and blind faith over critical thinking. This trio of young Muslim women can be called “The Sinner, the Believer, and the Confused”, with Peri being the ‘Confused’ one. In arguments between her two friends, much like in the ones between her parents at home, Peri takes a neutral stand as she can sympathise with both of their positions despite their beliefs being so contrasting.
At Oxford University, Peri learns of the notorious Professor Azur who leads the ‘GOD’ module, which her friend Shirin recommends she takes. This module pertains to the nature of God itself, seeking to understand Him better, backed by knowledge and critical thinking, and is open to students of all religious backgrounds. In the syllabus, it advises students “to confuse and to be confused”. This sparks Peri’s interest and she decides to take this module during the second semester of her first year. Weekly seminars are far from usual. Each seminar is different from the others and involves active student participation and creative tasks. In one class, Azur made his students draw what God is and then on another piece of paper what God is not. For the first exercise, Peri drew an exclamation mark. For the second task, some of the drawings that other students drew included a demon with snake-yellow eyes, a man, a knife caked in blood, destruction, etc. Then the Professor asks the students to write an essay about the connection between the two images that they drew. He questions, “Does the first drawing – of what God is – embody or exclude the second drawing – of what God is not?” It is in this class that Peri is able to work through her dilemmas concerning God, hear different opinions and seek out knowledge whilst also becoming infatuated with her Professor.
I liked Peri’s character and the archetype of the confused Muslim girl. It was something I had never come across before. Both in the literary world as well as in real life, I believe that Muslim women feel the pressure to conform to the binary between being a ‘believer’ or a ‘non-believer’. You aren’t allowed to be confused, question things, have doubts, or talk about your concerns; you’re just supposed to believe. At the root of this issue is the lack of compassion that we show towards these women who struggle to define their relationship with God and practice their religious beliefs. Much like in Peri’s family, my family too is divided into two separate camps and the house acts as a battleground where we fight over who is right or who is wrong. Religious belief is such a divisive topic and it has the potential to split families apart because it pertains to who is living the ”right” life, which can easily turn into claims of moral superiority and can become the basis for discrimination. This might be why I felt so drawn to Peri’s character because she didn’t claim to have all the answers. Many things had happened to her and her family members which she could not make sense of and yet she kept doubting and asking questions. She chose inquiry over faith and I admired that quality in her.
I hope this encourages you to pick up Elif Shafak’s ‘Three Daughters of Eve’. It was such a lovely read and contains two parallel narratives. The book opens in the year 2016 with adult Nazperi stuck in the Istanbul traffic with her daughter, who was en route to a dinner at the home of one of Turkey’s elite families. A confrontation with a thief who tried to steal her bag leads to the discovery of a polaroid from a 2001 winter in Oxford. Interlaced with the present day, we learn about Peri’s upbringing, her brothers, her parent’s relationship, her relationship with God and religion, and her decision to study abroad at Oxford University.