One predominantly universal thing we have all had to contend with during this pandemic is the incessant need for more frequent Zoom calls. While shifting to digital forms of communication definitely has its convenience and certain perks, there is nothing to deny the many social barriers it provides. For one, visual and verbal cues in a conversation have been completely removed from the equation. This makes it incredibly difficult to determine how you are coming across to the other person and trying to ‘read the room’ so to speak becomes a logistical nightmare. It seems like we live in a world where we are paradoxically more connected than ever, whilst simultaneously being more isolated than before (and I don’t just mean because of social distancing.)
‘Technical difficulties’ have become the absolute bane of my existence in this lockdown! Not only is it entirely embarrassing if your connection falters, but also navigating your way through various video calling services is incredibly anxiety inducing. Personally, I feel like this lockdown has excessively heightened my pre-existing forms of social anxiety and irrational fears surrounding phone calls – except it’s now 10000% worse than I could ever imagine. Instead of worrying that everyone is staring at me in a physical room, I can now worry (with confirmation) about exactly just that, when I am in eye-view of everyone at the same time. Hence, an entirely new term ‘Zoom anxiety’ has been born. And it’s a culmination of all my worst fears, on steroids.
“What if I say or do the wrong thing? What if I offend someone by accidentally talking over them? What if my face freezes up in a weird position? What if my internet crashes halfway through?” Ah. Those beautifully hysterical ‘What ifs’. Honestly my terrified brain could go on forever.
If you’re anything like me, your brain oscillates between two modes of being. Either I feel entirely anxious about speaking and therefore don’t speak at all (blaming it on a loose internet connection, of course), or I beat myself up to the point of exhaustion for not speaking. I hold myself to impossibly perfectionistic standards and so I finally push myself to speak, only to become a nervous wreck who stutters, shakes and ironically over-speaks at an incredibly high-speed. Either way, you can bet your darn-tooting boots that I’ll be overanalysing the entire thing for days after the said ‘meeting.’
I don’t know about you, but I’m actually a very shy and awkward extrovert. This seems oxymoronic in of itself, but trust me it’s possible. I have to deal with the constant issue of wanting or needing to gain energy by talking to people, whilst also being too afraid to actually start a conversation and speak to people. I also really enjoy my own company and I have genuinely enjoyed not leaving the house for months on end in lockdown. For this reason, people seem to mistake me or pin me down as an introvert. While there is absolutely nothing wrong with introverts, I’m just not one! I don’t believe in Ambiverts either – I think according to Carl Jung 16 mbti types, you are either one or the other. Although there is room for an in between, I think people mostly lean towards one side. So it often confuses people when I tell them that as an extrovert, I can still feel just as anxious and withdrawn as an introvert might. And that’s because social anxiety has absolutely nothing to do with introversion or extroversion!
Back to the point – honestly the words I dread hearing the most are ‘X person is inviting you to a scheduled Zoom meeting’ or ‘why don’t we each go around and introduce ourselves along with an interesting fact’ *shivers down my spine* (In comes the traumatic and confused internal screaming as I instantly forget everything about myself and what makes me interesting). And now that classes are mostly online, I get to hear these fantastic words nearly every, single day! But this article isn’t just a petty rant about my worst, vulnerable fears coming to life (well not for the most part anyway), it’s also an opportunity for me to share some tips to my fellow anxious students, employees, and internet buddies to help overcome some of the irrational voices inside our heads.
Now, by no means, am I an expert on all forms of anxiety (because it varies from person to person) and no way does it mean that I have completely eradicated mine from existence. I definitely still have my anxious moments from time to time. But I have to say I do feel like my confidence level has grown in this area somewhat, and it’s all down to experience and practice. I went from not being able to have a short call with my friends without feeling sick, stuttering, and avoiding all forms of general conversation, to being asked to speak in a Fresher’s live stream to around a hundred students, and deliver regular core meetings and briefings within my role in a big university society. I want to clarify again though that this certainly does not exempt me from anxious thoughts here and there and from still having days where I’m overcome with immense self doubt/fears of failure.
Is there a magic cure or shortcut to get rid of it forever? No, unfortunately there isn’t. But the tips I’m about to share with you helped me cope from a day to day basis, yes, they have for sure! So perhaps some of these may help you also (and maybe some won’t) – Hey! It’s all about adapting to the times and finding whatever mechanisms work for you!
- Mentally prepare what you want to say
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If you’re a planner like me, this is going to help you out a lot! I’ve noticed there are some special people out there who thrive on speaking in the moment, being spontaneous and reacting on their feet. If you are like that – that’s great – use this skill to your advantage! But if you’re not like that, that’s perfectly okay and it’s totally normal for most of the population. Let’s just say, I fall into the latter category; I’m definitely not one of those kind of people who can do things without a plan. So, I have to work with this and sort of mentally prepare whenever I have a call. I need to plan every little detail from what time I’m going to have it, to what I’m going to say, to how I’m going to present myself with both clothes and background. Writing it all down or even just practicing saying it out loud to yourself can help a lot! Hey, if you need to even write a full fledged script to help yourself cope – go for it! (Just make sure it doesn’t appear like you are reading off a sheet – this might require some forms of practising in front of a camera or mirror a couple of times to get it right!). This is especially a good technique to use if you need to bring up something slightly tricky or critical and are not quite sure how to phrase it. This can also help you avoid saying something mean or embarrassing yourself in the moment. Sometimes, and I know I do this for sure, my brain can become a funnel where the thoughts in my head just come spewing straight out of my mouth whenever there’s an awkward silence. In an attempt to fill the silences, I end up saying a lot of nonsense I regret or over analyze later. Other times my mind goes completely and utterly, well, blank. But maybe that’s just me.
- Try not to overthink it & find calming distractions
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While it’s great to prepare, try not to overthink it. Yes, it’s easier said than done but it’s true! Although I am guilty of this myself, don’t sit there in front of the screen counting down the minutes before the Zoom call begins. Just don’t do it. For me, sometimes the most anxious moments are in those few dreadful minutes leading up to the call, in the waiting room, rather than the actual call itself. Once you get into the call and start actually talking, you probably realize that it’s not actually as bad as you thought it would be. Needless to say though that waiting for calls can be so emotionally taxing that they take up most of my thoughts throughout the whole day and they consume most of my time because of this. I would advise in this case scenario to try to get the balance right between distracting yourself as much as possible, but also being mentally prepared, as mentioned in the previous tip. The way I usually do this is that I make sure that my laptop is fully charged and that the Zoom app is fully downloaded, that I have a clean looking background ready and I use the camera function just to have a look at my camera view before-hand. Once I have all of the important stuff taken care of I can relax for a bit in the moments before the call with a funny YouTube video or mobile game. Aromatheraphy has also been prove to help. My mum also gave me a bottle of rich lavender oil to smell whenever I get particularly anxious and my sister bought me a series of stress balls/toys to play with for my birthday (thanks ohana!), so I usually use these to help me calm down if I am feeling especially nervous.
- Practice makes perfect!
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I know some people are probably going to hate this one, but there really is no way out of it! The only way you can get better at taking Zoom calls is… to actually take Zoom calls! (I know right, how profoundly rEvOlUtIoNaRy!) I know it can be scary but honestly the more you do it, the better and more confident you will become with it! Sometimes experience is the only way to feel more comfortable and accustomed to something. Pushing yourself to do that thing that you really hate doing is what’s going to help you grow as a person. So think of it as great character development! In the words of Brene Brown in her beautifully insightful Ted talks (which I highly recommend), “Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it’s having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome. Vulnerability is not weakness; it’s our greatest measure of courage.” “People who wade into discomfort and vulnerability and tell the truth about their stories are the real badasses.” So try not to back out of Zoom calls whenever you can! Show up, be vulnerable and be proud of yourself for giving it a try!
