Recently I was scrolling through my social media, as I often find myself doing, when I saw that I’d been tagged in a photo. I quickly realized it was an account I wasn’t familiar with, yet the picture was one of me. I opened up the tag to find out that one of my photos I’d posted to my private Instagram page had been submitted to a JMU hotties page and was racking up likes by the minute. I was not happy.
Now, many people would stop me right there.
They’d tell me I should feel flattered and lucky to be chosen for a page like that. Some people were even surprised when my reaction was anger instead of happiness. Why would she not want to be called out as attractive, right? Well I guess it’s because that’s not the way I saw it. Soon my inbox was filling up with messages from creepy guys trying to strike up a conversation and my friend requests were through the roof. So why was I so unhappy? Let me break it down for you.
I don’t want attention that is only prompted by my physical appearance.
Sorry to break it to you boys, but the type of guy I want in my life is not the kind of guy you’d find on a campus hotties page. I want a guy who finds me attractive yes, but is ultimately captivated by my personality. Looks fade, but the light I can bring to a conversation isn’t going anywhere. You have to want my mind first.
My day to day life shouldn’t be sexualized.
I live a vibrant life of high highs and rough lows. I document my life honestly and naturally, keeping my account private so that only my friends and family can follow in my journey. My daily life is not something that should be sexualized and taken out of context and have new meaning created by strangers.
I’m not your “Babe.”
As a favorite campaign of mine once said “Not yours, never was.” The account that used my photo cleverly captioned it “wifey material.” We use this phrase often jokingly, and even I myself have said it to friends or boyfriends in a playful and friendly manner. But when an unidentifiable stranger ties that idea to my face, the innocent words lose their playfulness. You see, I am not your babe, your honey and I am certainly not your “wifey.” I am so much more than a face to be idolized for nothing more than looks.
But, most importantly?
My beauty has nothing to do with how desirable you find me.
I am a woman. I’ve fallen in love and had my heart broken. I’ve dealt with death, mental illness, and bullying. There have been times I haven’t been kind to my body and have been harsh on my reflection. I have experienced great triumph and have pushed myself daily to follow my dreams no matter how far out of reach, but sometimes I fall short. I wear my battle scars proudly through life and continue to pick myself up no matter how many times I fall.
And you know what? I am beautiful. But not because you say I am.
I’m beautiful because I stopped listening to the boy who said my eyes looked like puke and begun to realize that green is the rarest eye color of them all. I stopped trying to hide the moles on my face and told myself instead that they were unique and formed a constellation across my cheek. I stopped worrying about my weight and my size and whether or not my flat chest growing up would make me less of a woman because eventually I realized something very important.
I am not here to be admired by others. I am here to make waves, to change the world and leave my mark on it.
I am not here to be labeled or sexualized or have other people tell me who I am. I am brave, I am smart, I am intelligent, and I am so much more than a photo on a screen.
Please remember this dear friends, because it is so important.
You are not here to just be a pretty face to men who want to penetrate your body but not understand your mind. So please don’t allow yourself worth or your idea of beauty to correspond with likes on a photo or the comments of someone who doesn’t see your real potential. You are not beautiful because he gives you that validation. Give that validation to yourself…it’s time to start living for you.