Every night, I go to sleep with my phone overheating. While I try to ensure all my apps are closed, there is one I cannot touch: FaceTime. It is like a ritual we obey; no matter what the other person is doing, it is our way of making time for one another when we are apart.
My boyfriend attends a school that I can easily drive to, but we don’t have the luxury of seeing each other as often as we would like. Due to that, we let our phones overheat as we fall asleep together on FaceTime every night. My boyfriend and I are high school sweethearts with some years under our belt, and if you were to ask us where we would see ourselves in the future, we would happily declare that we would attend the same college and build a life together throughout our higher education. But like most high school romances, things do not always turn out the way you anticipate them. I mean, how could your 16-year-old self really plan out the rest of your life?
I find that being in a medium-distance relationship puts you in an odd position. The sole reason my boyfriend and I coined the term was simply because we did not want to use the term “long-distance” as a way to make us believe that we were not actually that far away. I mean, we did have the ability to see each other more frequently compared to those who are truly in a long-distance relationship. But even with this ability, we still had issues when it came to finding time to spend with each other. What made our situation slightly different from others was that we were six months apart in age.
When I started my first year in college, he was still in high school, wrapping up his senior year. This grey, limbo stage between the cusp of ‘adult’ and ‘teenage’ years caused tension between us at times. While I was having a hard time adjusting to college life and wishing I were back in high school, my boyfriend was dealing with senioritis and counting down the days until he was free. Due to our own feelings regarding this influential time in our lives, we repeatedly found ourselves lashing out at each other for circumstances we could not control. It was at this point that we both started to realize that being far from each other was going to impact not only ourselves, but our relationship as a whole. And by actively nurturing our relationship, we were able to appreciate the good, the bad, and even the romantic aspects of it.
One of the best things about being in a medium-distance relationship is the flexibility it offers. As previously mentioned, my boyfriend and I were around two hours away from each other. At first, it seemed like a terrible distance to manage, but after a year of long distance, we were able to easily mark days off for each other (when our schedules aligned, of course). During the spring semester of my freshman year, I found myself going home more frequently to work and spend time with him, which helped keep the tension from being away from each other at bay. In more recent times, we have been able to spend weekends with each other at the same time, which is amazing because it is like an exciting sleepover!
After getting past the hurdle of the medium-distance, we began to make our gifted time together extra special. This is one of the many reasons I am grateful for being able to experience my relationship through this lens; it gives us both a reason to make the most out of our time, and not just waste it by being around each other and not engaging. Additionally, the distance allowed us both to explore different passions and interests. For my boyfriend, he used his free time to participate in more work for his church, and for me, I was able to devote a lot of time to weight lifting in the gym.
Although our medium-distance relationship allowed us to make meaningful use of our time and promote self-exploration, we still came face-to-face with conflict during our first year of managing this new dynamic. There were many times when we would have ongoing fights for days, and every time we thought we had come to a stopping point, it would just start up again. This rapid cycle was exhausting and draining for both of us, and it got to some moments where we would entirely shut the other person out. It was at these times that I would question the true stability of our relationship and wonder if this was what was right for both of us.
Being stuck in a cycle of negativity not only damages you, but it also puts the relationship in jeopardy. Moments like this would break down and destroy what we have worked on, often manifesting in loud screaming matches over the phone. But even with these difficult patches, my boyfriend and I attempted to use them as a way to lean on each other more than ever. Even if we had nothing to say (or even wanted to say anything to each other), we would still sit there and try to fix whatever we had going on. As much as medium-distance helped our relationship, it still hurt it just the same. But what makes moments like these worth it in the end appears when you least expect it.
Trying to sort through a budding romance is tricky for any relationship, and a medium-distance one is no exception. With that, we both knew we were going to have moments where we might have problems trying to ‘keep the spark alive.’ However, I find that we were not only to encourage romance, but also to translate it into the distance. To do this, we had to change our mindset: Rather than seeing distance as an obstacle, we instead saw it as a manifestation of romance itself. I mean, how often can you say that your significant other wanted to make a relationship work that they were willing to do it from miles away? Just that in itself was a great reminder that the simple act of pursuing a medium-distance relationship was a great reminder of passion. While this is easier said than done, it still served as a positive mindset to adopt during rough patches.
My boyfriend and I still have our moments, but we have learned to appreciate all aspects of our medium-distance relationship: The good, bad, and romantic. Although there may be trials and hardships, being able to experience the distance has been a blessing to both of us. So today, we stand here adopting our nightly ritual and falling asleep as our phones overheat on FaceTime. It serves as our reminder that when you are with the right person, challenges can be overcome.