THE BACKSTORY
Since the 4th grade my best friend and I have been as close as could be, even though I had moved around a couple of times and switched schools more than enough times. While we were not together and attending different schools, we made other friends through clubs, sports, other experiences etc. and became our own unique selves. However, by the time our senior year of high school came, I was back and spending the most important year ever with my best friend of many years.
As the year began it was clear we were so happy to be at the same school for our senior year. Since I was back here and she was the only real friend I had there from a year I had spent at the middle school before coming to the High School. Naturally, most of my new friends, I met through her.
THE REAL FIRST RED FLAGS
Throughout the year there was only one or two real incidences where I had seen some red flags to prepare me for the things to come in the distant future. The one most important happened at our senior convocation, where my best friend and “our friends” were taking pictures on our gowns, only no one gave me the memo for our friend group pictures. Something I brushed off with the excuse that I was taking pictures with my family. The second incident that took me a little bit more by shock was the day where one of “our friends” got these pictures framed and gave them to everyone except for me… which I brushed off with the a version of the first excuse, I wasn’t there so I wasn’t in the picture, so why would I expect them to find a different picture where I WAS in it? And the last incident I will note is a compilation of the 2 other girls in “our friend group” who had graduation parties and I was invited to one because I was there when they were talking about it but she was “out of invitations” so she verbally invited me and the second one I was invited to because the original person the invitation was intended for could not be found so therefore inviting me “if I have the time” because it was so last minute.
So at the end of this year I assumed now that we would head off to college they would have to invite me or it would look bad, only I hadn’t considered whether girls see me as a part of this friendship. Something I wish I had considered a long time ago.
The problems started to arise last year at the beginning of my best friend and I’s first year of college (at separate schools). The problems were not between the two of us but between her and this same group of friends we “shared” back in High School. The problem was, they hung out at home without inviting either of us on the excuse that they forgot and/or it was last minute and no one could pick “either of us” up (my best friend’s words) because at the time we did not have licenses. She took these as a valid excuse, but as they continuously did the same things she became upset and I was there to comfort my bestie per usual. As time went by she eventually confronted them and based upon my observation of the time after that they started to include her and she was happy.
WHEN IT GOT REAL PERSONAL
I hope that right now you may be thinking somewhere along the lines of… “well what does this have to do with you?” Well, here’s what this has to do with me. Over the course of the second semester (when she started hanging out with this group of friends again) she got her license and a brand spankin new iphone. All of which I had not yet accomplished. Anyways, fast forward to the summer and all my bestie has been doing for the most part is hang out with “our” friend group and invited me to VERY few of these but since I was working and so was she at times, I never got to go to the outings, however we did hang out here or there during the day for quick moments or quick sleepovers. However at times it was sad and I felt left out, and when I decided to approach her and tell her how I felt she said that she spent time with me and that should be good enough… Essentially what she went through with them neglecting her and all was now happening to me and she, my best friend was a part of it.
Eventually she tried to make me feel included by inviting me and I put some effort to hang out more as well. Only one thing puzzled me. There was a groupchat with everyone in it and I was not a part of it. So of course, I asked her about it and the excuse I got this time was that everyone had iphones and I did not so I accepted it because it seemed logical.
WHEN I THOUGHT EVERYTHING WAS GONNA BE OKAY
So fast forward to this Spring break, or well this kind of happened at all the breaks this year, there were more outings I just still was never invited to but my best friend always invited me to hang out at some point after she was with the WHOLE group. Now specific to Spring break it was one of the girls’ birthdays and I assumed that there would be an outing, but I had heard nothing from anyone. But of course there was a big dinner and AGAIN I was not invited. So I do the usual and ask my best friend and she comes up with the excuse that it was her birthday and she had NO IDEA why I wasn’t invited because they are “my friends as well”. I didn’t excuse this one only just let it go because quite frankly I just wanted to pretend she forgot.
Now on spring break I had a rough time with family issues and other things of the sort but I finally got an iphone at the beginning of break! The first thing I did was ask my best friend to add me to the group chat because I thought these friends would be eager to embrace me and I wanted the confirmation of being in the group for sure (I’m not sure why). Anyways she added me on that day (it was like a Tuesday).
Finally, in the week that followed no one had said a SINGLE WORD since the day I was added to the chat. One girl LITERALLY named the group chat “abort mission” with police lights on either sides of the name. I asked my best friend twice that week why no one talked and asked if there was another chat to which she replied “of course not” and “the group chat dies all the time”. All of which I respectfully took as the truth from my “BEST FRIEND”.
THE SECOND IT ALL BECAME CLEAR
I went home the weekend after this (basically last weekend from writing this). It was a sad and very dim trip home I let my best friend know I was in need of being cheered up and she came to get me with one of the girls from this friend group that she was with already. So we went and hung out and had a great sleepover and my dim, sad weekend was looking up. The next morning I woke up (sort of) to hear them talking about how they couldn’t sleep because I was snoring (yes I felt bad) but I was tired so I brushed it off and went back to sleep for a bit(this is unimportant but also it kind of forecasted the shadiness that was to come. I woke up a little later, we talked a bit and then “our” other friend left. The night before my bestie had joked and said that if I knew her fav’s (a certain celebrity) birthday then I knew her password only where she comes from I couldn’t remember how she writes the dates in numbers. So on this particular morning with all pure intentions of leaving funny/cute jokes in her phone I asked her sister what order she writes the date. As I went to start writing notes her messages were open on a group chat… and yes it was one with all of “OUR FRIENDS” and her excluding one person… me. So since this was an accident I didn’t read through the messages I had only seen enough to know that this chat was very active and not dead at all. I also was absolutely dumbfounded to see that this existed when I was reassured from who I considered my closest friend it was NOT EVEN A POSSIBILITY. Her sister saw that I had seen those messages she told my best friend and my besties words directly to me “You’re like a jealous girlfriend”. I then decided since this was how she really felt I bottled my feelings and told her I wanted to go home and when I got home I just cried because her lie, while it is only a single lie, it solidified that she had betrayed my trust and most certainly through some of our disagreements told these girls our/my secrets or even bashed my name to them. Most importantly however, she made a fake chat for me to be a part of to feel included as a joke or just because I wasn’t welcome with HER friends. She got others to lie to me but also made me believe those lies out of the assumption she would never betray my trust. So with all of that I realized if she could do these things to me, she was indeed not a real friend to me at all.
MORAL OF THE STORY
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LOOK OUT FOR YOURSELF FIRST!
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STOP MAKING EXCUSES FOR OTHER PEOPLE!
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ACTIONS REVEAL WHAT WORDS CONCEAL!
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DON’T HOLD ON TO BROKEN RELATIONSHIPS!
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MOST IMPORTANTLY, YOUR EMOTIONS ARE VALID AND YOU SHOULD NEVER LET ANYONE TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOU!!