Being single sucks…trust me, I know. Iāve officially been single for three years now and while itās been one of the most liberating feelings Iāve ever felt, itās also been really hard. Most days, Iāll feel really great about being single. I love that I can hang out with my friends all the time and that I donāt have to worry about relationship problems.
At the end of the day though, I want nothing more than to love on someone and be loved the same way. I want to hold hands with someone, go on cute dates, and all the fun things that come with being in a relationship. Thatās what makes being single so hard after youāve been in a relationship, especially one that was (kind of) long-term.
Before I had my first boyfriend, I didnāt really know what being in a relationship was like. Sure, Iād liked guys here and there and wanted relationships with them, but Iād never known what it felt like to have a boyfriend. Then I got one and it was greatā¦ until we broke up. To be clear, I’m very glad to no longer be in that relationship and would rather drink rotten milk than get back with him. However, I genuinely miss having a boyfriend and thatās what makes being single so much harder.
The other thing that makes being single even worse is being the one of the only people out of your friends that gets no romantic interaction at all. While Iām nothing but ecstatic for my friends that are in relationships or talking to someone, sometimes it really sucks listening to people talk about how their relationship is going or how much they like the person theyāre talking to. Sometimes it makes me stop and think, āWhy canāt that be me?ā To be honest, it makes me question everything I feel about myself: am I really that unloveable? Is there really not even one guy out there who finds me pretty? There are nights where Iāve stayed up crying feeling like that. And while I love being single, itās nights like those that make me want to just listen to sad songs and bawl my eyes out even more. Sometimes, I just want to be the one that gets all excited about a guy and rant to her friends about it. I want to be the one that can talk to her friends about her relationship instead of being the one who listens. No matter how happy you are for your friends and want nothing but the best for them, this is the hardest part of being single, in my opinion.
As much as I’m complaining about being single, I’ve learned how to be comfortable with it. In my experience, becoming comfortable with being single takes a lot of personal growth. My acceptance of being single started a lot with improving my view of what being single meant. For the longest time, I thought that being single was the worst thing ever. If I wasn’t in a relationship, I felt like I wasn’t good enough. Now I know thatās definitely not the case. Brown University writes that changing your mindset to be positive has a lot of benefits, so changing your viewpoint of being single from negative to positive could improve how you feel about being it.
To be honest, another way I became more comfortable with being single was distracting myself. I started going to the gym more often, reading books that Iād bought but never read, and taking walks around campus. I also started trying to get more involved with the clubs I was in. Although distraction isnāt the best ācoping method,ā itās definitely improved my mood and decreased my overthinking about being single. A third way Iāve become comfortable with being single is knowing that there are people out there that love me, even if it isnāt romantically. I find more comfort in knowing that I have a strong support system of family and friends that I love and love me as well.
Being comfortable being single is definitely a process thatās more like a rollercoaster. There are some days now where I still want nothing more than a boyfriend and thereās days where Iāll feel completely fine about being single. Itās taken me a long time to accept that being single isnāt as bad as I had thought it was. Personally, Iāve chosen to believe that when the time is right, the right person will make their way into my life eventually, whether thatās 2, 5, or 10 years from now. I finally feel great about being single, and thatās all that matters to me.