Something you should know (or already know, if you’re friends with me) is that I’m a sucker for romance and love. I think it’s the most fascinating thing in the world and it warms my heart to see others experience it or to experience it myself. I’ve probably seen every early 2000s rom-com out there — they’re my favorite way to escape from school and work. For a little while, I get lost in meet-cutes and imagine all the ways I might meet my future lover. I can’t help but smile when I see couples walking down the street, gazing into each other’s eyes. I also love playing cupid, trying to match my friends with the right people.
I’m the kind of girl who gets so caught up in the excitement of being in a relationship that I overlook little red flags. I tend to put my partner on a pedestal, and once I do it’s hard for me to see things clearly or change how I feel because I’m already in the deep end. So yes, many of my past relationships have ended somewhat abruptly because, eventually, the red flags become impossible to ignore. At that point, I have no choice but to take off my rose-colored glasses and face the truth about the person I was so infatuated with. Something I’ve come to realize after repeating this cycle over and over is that I’m the one at fault, not because I cheated or was abusive, but because I ignored the small red flags. By letting them slide, I unintentionally gave the other person the green light to keep pushing boundaries until things inevitably fell apart.
Let me tell you, realizing this wasn’t easy. For a long time, I convinced myself it was entirely the other person’s fault. But eventually, I had a breakthrough — I understood that if I wanted a healthy relationship in the future, I had to learn to love and value myself enough to stand my ground, recognize who was truly right for me, and stop settling. I find it so interesting that many of us can easily love someone who’s clearly wrong for us, yet when it comes to loving ourselves, it suddenly feels like the hardest thing in the world.
Now, I won’t lie to you all, I do have a special someone in my life (cue “Please, Please, Please” by Sabrina Carpenter). But this time, for some inexplicable reason, I’ve managed to find a balance between my relationship and making time for myself. Here are a few things I’ve been doing to stay grounded and prioritize my own well-being.
1. Listen to Positive Affirmation Audios/Podcasts
I love listening to relaxing meditation podcasts in the morning because that’s when my anxiety tends to be the worst. But honestly, it’s a great way to start the day whether you’re anxious or not. Beginning the morning with empowering affirmations is so important — it sets a positive tone, and I truly believe the way you start your day influences how the rest of it unfolds.
2. Spend Time Apart From Your Partner
Believe it or not, time apart from your significant other can honestly end up being the healthiest thing you can do for yourself and your relationship. For me, I’ve always given my past partners all my time because they were, in other words, my current hyperfixation. Lately, I’ve been thinking about how, at the end of the day — after work, school, spending time with friends, or just being around people — you’re left with yourself. If you don’t love yourself enough to give yourself the same time and effort that you give your partner, it raises an important question: “Are you truly ready for a relationship?”. That’s a deep topic to explore, but it’s definitely worth considering.
3. Plan Dates By Yourself
This sort of fits in with with my previous tip, but I 100% recommend taking yourself on little dates. It could be going to a cute coffee shop in your college town, going to get your nails done, or even just going places on your own that you would prefer to go to with your partner. As an introvert, I’m comfortable doing things on my own, but once I get into a relationship it becomes challenging because I get used to having someone with me, whether it’s running errands or just watching my favorite TV show. That’s why setting aside alone time and taking myself on little solo dates has been so important. It’s a healthy reminder that even though I have a boyfriend, it’s still okay to enjoy being alone, and I shouldn’t feel guilty about it. And you always deserve a sweet little treat, so why not take that time for yourself to reflect on how far you’ve come in the past day, week, month, or even year.
4. Take it One Day at a Time
At the end of the day, no one is perfect, and as humans we aren’t designed to be. I can guarantee there are going to be days where you look in the mirror and don’t like what you see or feel yourself overthinking the smallest things, but the great thing about all of that is that most of the time they are fleeting feelings. Just be patient with yourself, and remind yourself of things you know to be true about yourself.