To say that February is the month I stopped talking to guys seems a little ironic given that it’s the month of love, but sometimes, we just need a break. In my case, this hiatus has been more than a little life-changing. As someone who has constantly had a crush for almost her whole life (or someone crushing on her), taking a month off has been freeing in ways I never would have imagined.
The reason for this break is, of course, due to a man. My last situationship (I hate this word but have a lack of any better descriptors) was a very mentally taxing one, as they all are. It really did not hit me how time-consuming these situations are until you are rid of them. My days have been completely freed up — not only am I not spreading hours a day talking to him, but I am also not constantly plagued with nerves about what he’s thinking, doing or feeling. That has probably freed up at least four hours a day — I am not being dramatic.Â
Last semester, I always found myself stressed about how behind I felt. I was submitting all of my assignments minutes before they were due and felt lonely. I wasn’t super social in my classes and spent way too much time in my dorm because of a man that didn’t even go here. My schedule went a little like this: go to class, pick up lunch and eat in my dorm so I could talk to him, go to class, get dinner and wonder why I’d been on delivered for five hours, then stay up way too late in order to get a goodnight message and on lucky days, a gym selfie. Writing that out makes me feel even more pathetic. No wonder I was borderline miserable — I had centered my life and managed all of my time around a guy I barely saw because he lives two hours away.Â
So, when that situation ended right before I came back to school, I was upset but ready to live differently this semester. My goal was to be more social, to have a friend in every class, and to go out more in every capacity. I wanted my dorm to be someplace I left in the morning and only came back to in the evening. And here I am, a month later, with so much time on my hands. I get all of my work done days before it is due, I’ve made multiple new friends, I have started reading more consistently and have been going out way more. My time management has been amazing this semester and it took me a few weeks to realize that this is because I don’t have someone taking up so much of my mental capacity.Â
I haven’t started talking to anyone else for a few reasons; the main one being that for the first time in months, the pit in my stomach isn’t there anymore. Now, I’m not saying it was there just because of the men I talked to, though that could be a very real possibility. I feel more like myself and I have more time to focus on growing my friendships and experiencing life outside my dorm room. I’m not constantly waiting for a message back or wondering if today is the day he ghosts me and, as someone who spent months feeling like that, it is freeing to not care anymore.Â
All of this to say, if someone does catch my eye again, I will not let it consume my waking hours. Nothing good comes of that and that is a lesson we all know but sometimes, you have to learn it a few times to get it to stick.Â