A healthy relationship requires hard work to build and maintain. Most people already know the importance of loyalty, trust, and communication as the fundamentals of a strong relationship. However, many relationships still fail; some due to extenuating circumstances, and some as a result of actions (or lack thereof). As someone who has been with my partner for about a year now, here are 5 things that we emphasize when discussing the success of our relationship.
- Tough conversations early
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This is the first thing that comes to mind that I do not see many other couples do. Discussing boundaries, past relationships, and hypotheticals to determine your partner’s morality are key to setting the grounds for a healthy relationship. By doing this early on before even officially dating, it sets a precedent to prevent future misunderstandings rather than waiting until they occur. Furthermore, it gives you a deep look into your partner’s mind, thought processes, and past that can help you understand them and determine if you would like to pursue a relationship. If someone refuses to talk about these things (some exceptions of course), it is likely that they are being secretive or you would not like the answer they give. It’s better to discover incompatibilities early on than down the line. Transparency is key.
- mutual life goals
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Without the same life goals, a relationship is doomed to fail. Unless one of you is willing to compromise a major aspect of your life, such as having kids, it is unlikely that it will work out. Even if one person is willing to compromise, they may still have strong feelings that could breed resentment or problems long-term. Some topics that you and your partner should ideally fully agree on include marriage, children/parenting style, finances, lifestyle (e.g, both working or one stays at home), and location of future home (home state v. out-of-state or country). A few of these are easier to compromise on than others and could still allow for a healthy relationship, but disagreements in these categories are often the cause of many breakups/divorces that I see.
- reassurance
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Constant reassurance, including when not asked for, facilitates the growth of a healthy relationship. Whether it’s just random “I love you”s, compliments, or updates throughout the day, reassurance can put your partner’s mind at ease and reinforce your love for them in their mind.
- criticism of each other
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Nobody’s perfect, including you and your partner. As much as you may want to idolize each other, everyone has imperfections. We’re all human. As long as the imperfections aren’t significant or hurtful towards your partner, it’s completely fine to have them. For instance, if your partner could put a little more effort into pulling their weight in regard to chores (assuming you’re living together), it’s important to bring that up to them. However, if the imperfection is something major like cheating, then you should do more than just criticize your partner (leave them, you deserve better!!!). Assuming the imperfections aren’t serious, it’s better to bring them to your partner’s attention, help them become the best version of themselves, and prevent resentment or fights.
- sacrifice
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The choice of including another person so deeply into your life is not one without sacrifice. You are going to have to compromise and plan things with them in mind. Your partner has boundaries, and abiding to them is important assuming they are within reason. An example of a toxic boundary would be your partner forbidding you from hanging out with your friends at a coffee shop or controlling what you wear. On the other hand, a reasonable boundary for some relationships may be no vaping/drugs/drinking, as long as both partners agree. If someone drinks socially prior to a relationship but their partner is against drinking and vocalizes that before dating, it’s completely up to the other person to decide to give up drinking if they want to date their partner. As long as it’s communicated in the beginning (ahem, early boundary talk!) and mutually agreed upon, I think it’s reasonable to uphold that and sacrifice some habits for a healthy relationship.