Sometimes I think people take sight for granted. There are people with such great eyes that they never had to pay to see with contacts or glasses. That is just crazy to me.
I cannot say the same for me in the slightest. My eyesight is so terrible that I have thick lenses and am technically half-blind.
The thing is, I do not like to consider myself blind. I can still see out of both of my eyes, but the optometrist said my right eye is so bad that they do consider it “legally blind.”
My eyes had a weird history from the beginning. During my birth I became stuck and as they tried to get me out, a blood vessel popped in my eye. My right eye now looks off to the side. This is called exotropia. It is not a lazy eye.
I always felt like an outcast because of my “lizard eye,” as I called it. I had to use giant large print books and magnifying glasses at school. I was always stuck in the front because I could never see from any other row. Even my friends thought it was weird.
This insecurity lasted into high school and still during college. I felt like no one was attracted to me because of it. One person even told my friend that I would be beautiful if it was not for my eye. Luckily, he means nothing to me and I have someone in my life who finds me perfect the way I am.
Through college, I have help from a center for visual impairments. They have helped accommodate me for school and for living on my own. I think I would be helpless without them. They gave me a lot of audio-based products, which probably influenced my interest in working with radio and audio.
There are a lot of things I can not do or see because of my partial blindness. For one, my depth perception is terrible. Taking steps down requires a lot of careful creeping because it seems so much steeper than it is. I have developed a little toe tap scuffle because of this.
The optometrist doubts that I will ever be able to drive, and if I do, I would never drive at night. This is the one thing I am determined to prove him wrong about. I will learn to drive even if it takes years.
I also can not see stars in the sky ever. No one even knew this about me until two years ago when I finally told my parents. For years I thought no one could see them either. I literally thought stars were made up. Since then, I’ve tried to use a telescope but still have no luck. Yet I somehow managed to get an A in an astronomy class.
The hardest thing about living with this disability is feeling like I don’t belong in being part of the disability. I have a blind cane for the night time but I never use it because I’m afraid people will ask why I have it if I can see. It is as if I’m too disabled to drive or see stars, but not disabled enough to deserve my accommodations.
However, in the past year I have started to use my cane more and more. I have come to realize that it is none of other people’s business why I need to use the cane. If it helps me stay safe, I need it. I have tripped and run into things way too many times without it.
My partial blindness also taught me important lessons on friendship. True friends are willing to help guide me in the dark when I cannot see where I am going. They take me down steps and watch out for me. Some people instead let me trip or ignore my needs entirely.
I do not know if my eyes will get any better or any worse over time, but I am thankful to have the help I need when it comes to my vision. It is a struggle, especially because I do not like to speak up about it, but I have managed to get a lot done even with this disability.