After going through a traumatic experience, we can’t wait to heal. Healing ends up being the only thing on our mind, though we do nothing to even achieve the first step. All we want to do as humans is sit back and feel bad for ourselves. We can’t do that and we deserve much more than that. According to Gavin and Dersch there are five steps to fully healing. You realized that what you thought you could move past actually is consuming your mind by the minute, though sometimes you just have to find that one thing that pushes you over the edge to achieve healing.
1. Stage One: Grief and Denial
This stage is the hardest not only for you, but for the people around you. You are heartbroken, scared, confused, flustered, along with tons of different emotions. You try to make excuses for the person who hurt you. You think you can fix whatever happened and move past it. The people around you see how badly you were hurt. They hate to see you hurt and they tell you to do what is best for you and that usually is to leave the situation. You hate that idea, you fight with the people that love you and you go back to thinking you can fix the problem. This stage could last a week or maybe even a few months.
(Photo by Issam Hammoudi)
2. Stage Two: Anger
This stage sucks. You start to blame yourself for everything. You start to question everything, maybe even your faith. You think that this happened because of something you did. This stage drains all the happiness out of you. You become mean to everyone, family, friends, even co-workers. You don’t care how they feel because of the pain you are feeling. You hate everything about the world because of how it is treating you.
(Photo by Gabriel Matula)
3. Stage Three: Bargaining
This stage hurts the people around you more than anything. You go running back to the person who put you in this disgusting situation. You beg them to get help and help fix the problem in hopes everything can go back to “normal” or a new normal. They acknowledge what they did wrong, never truly mean sorry (if they say it), then you are somehow the one begging for them back.
(Photo by Henri Pham)
4. Stage Four: Depression
Not everyone goes through this stage, if you are one of those people, consider yourself lucky. This stage usually last a long time and I personally think is the hardest stage. Depression keeps you from being yourself. You are tired, sad, mad, and can experience mood swings. You keep to yourself and don’t really reach out to anyone. You might just confide in the person who hurt you and, honestly, they may make it worse. Depression is a hard battle and I suggest going to a therapist to talk somethings out, having someone to talk to is one of the best ways of healing. Just remember, everything happens for a reason and it will all be okay.
(Photo by Ian Espinosa)
5. Stage Five: Acceptance
The stage we have all been waiting for. At this point you are probably not speaking to the person that hurt you. You accepted what is and walked away to better yourself. Which was the right thing to do! I’m sure thinking about whatever happened still stings, but you know you want nothing to do with the person who damaged you. That’s when you truly know you are fully healed. (Photo by Noah Silliman)
Personally, it took me six months to get through this process. My push to start healing was the song “Clean” by Taylor Swift. I loved the song and it was super inspirational. I remember I sat in the car, and couldn’t wait until I could relate to the song and now I can. It’s never too late to achieve anything. Though until you are healed mentally from something horrible it can be difficult. Don’t expect to be okay right away, take your time and believe that everything happens for a reason. The stages of healing can take a lot out of you, but it’s worth everything at the end.