I am the “always happy” friend. Everyone around me is crumbling and I’m there for them. I look like I’m okay but sometimes I’m the one that needs a hug. I give away all my hugs that sometimes, I have no hugs for myself. I love every person that I am friends with and I know especially around this time of year everyone is sad. Some days I want to be about me. Some days, I need a friend. Some days, I cry by myself and all I need is a hug. Absorbing everyone else’s sadness makes me drained and it’s hard to be there for myself. I try my best to make others happy, to laugh, and to feel how I feel. Most of the time I am happy! Other times I lie awake at night crying, sometimes for no reason, just crying. Do you ever feel that? The need to cry. It just happens and people ask why are you crying and the answer is indefinite.
I’m the person that does what others want me to do. If I have plans I change them if they ask me to do so. If I ask them to go somewhere to eat and they ask to go somewhere else, I just go. I always alter what I’m doing for them. What about me? What about what I want to do? My schedule is FULL. The times I don’t have classes are filled with work. Most of the time I have to take food to work so I can eat. Then after I go to my other job or I just sit in my room. I get really excited about things. If I know I have plans I think about them all day. Then to just have them be canceled really hurts me.
What really hurts me is when my friends choose backstabbers over me. You’d rather hang out with people that don’t even care about you than me? I am always there for you and you cant even ask me how my day is? You cant even ask me how my mom is doing? I would do anything for you and the saddest thing about it is, I don’t know if you would do the same. It feels like I have no one there sometimes even though I know I do. Maybe its because nobody ever asks me to go eat, I have to ask. Or because nobody ever offers to pay for me, but I’ll pay for them and buy them things. I’m surrounded by people but sometimes I feel alone. But you wouldn’t know that because you have your own problems. Which is fine but I’m only one person and it doesn’t take much to make me break from being drained.
