The 9 Types of People You Meet in the Dorms

1. Fitness Star

This person’s entire closet is nike, under armour, lululemon etc. Seriously, you've never seen them in a pair of jeans. Every time they step onto the floor they have that “fresh out the gym” glow (sweat). Do they go to class???? This person must be majoring in physical education or something of that sort. Huge benefit would be getting a decent workout playlist for the ONE day a week you go to the gym. Be sure not to make eye contact with them as you go to pick up your pizza carry out, because this person will NOT be effected by the freshman 15.

2. Long-Distance Dater

Pray for this person’s cell phone bill because they are always doing laps around the hall saying, “No, you hang up first” “No, I love you more”. They're broken up, then they’re together. Then their relationship is “don’t ask, don’t tell”. Or they’re having a FaceTime date for three hours laughing, then arguing, then laughing again. Until they come to visit and everyone on your floor thinks “That’s who they're dating?!??!”

3. Stoner

This kid thinks they are Bob Marley’s prodigy. They think they have mastered and come up with the best way to smoke in their room and “not get caught”. When really, everyone just gets used to the overflow smell of Febreeze. Regardless, the stoner is a good friend to have when you’re desperately on the lookout for pot or someone to order late night munchies with.

4. Frat Star

During pledging you hardly ever see him, because, well, pledging. But then when he becomes a brother, all he wears are his letters and his brothers are ALWAYS on your floor. Feel free to use him for frat connections. He spends most of his time making friends and making plans and he’ll let everyone know about the best spots to be on campus. He means well, but will definitely be asking for your help when it comes to school work when he is busy pledging.

5. Student

Truly believes they are at college to get a good education, which is great. Would never look down on you for having fun, but good luck getting them to go out with you EVER. Enjoy them when you can get them to come out of their shell. Most likely will join a variety of clubs and philanthropy groups and will never miss an opportunity to hand you a flyer. They make for a great tutor.

6. Partier

No matter what day of the week it is, no matter what assignment is due tomorrow, or what time class starts tomorrow, this person is going out. They know the college night life scene and are the queen/king of a fun night out. When you see them out they have people around them and they are always the life of the party. Chances are this person has vomited in the community bathrooms once or twice, they’re fun to party with until you get sick of taking care of them every time they get too wasted.

7. Slob

Anytime you walk by this person’s room it frequently looks like it was hit by a hurricane. You can probably smell leftovers or laundry that hasn’t been done. This person lives in their own filth and everyone on the floor notices. They are on their 5th room key because every other key has been devoured by whatever lives in that room. Who knows what they will find, come move out day.

8. Foreign Exchange Students

You have to feel bad for this kid. All they did was come to America to study and get the benefits of a world class education. But now they are in the middle of a zoo filled with degenerates. Talk to them. They are so cool and will be grateful for a new friend or two.

9. Princess/Gossip Girl

They know everything that is going on with everyone. If people hooked up on the floor they will make sure everyone knows. Frequent phrases that are heard “OMG, have you heard the latest.” “You’re never going to guess what happened with them last night.” You can almost always catch them with some form of label on their clothing.