Being single on Valentine’s Day seemed like a great idea until your roommate’s boyfriend surprised her with flowers and a trip to some warm, tropical island with umbrella drinks. Lame. “How sweet,” you say as you Google the phone number to the nearest florist. So what if your secret admirer’s name begins with “M” and ends with “E”? And don’t even think about checking your Facebook, Twitter and Instagram today. Valentine’s Day bullshit (i.e., pics to prove a Grazie dinner for two and one year anniversary collages) may persuade to head to Kilroy’s now. Ok, so you’re done being bitter, almost. Now, what? Follow these five simple steps and you’re guarenteed a fabulous Valentine’s Day:
1. No mentioning of exes
We know his new girlfriend is ugly and that he secretly misses you. Your friends have heard it all before, and quite frankly that’s why they stopped inviting you to $2 Tuesdays. He’s moved on; you should, too.
2. No crying
Stop stalking his Facebook and checking your phone for calls or texts. You did not spend $26 on Yves Saint Laurent mascara to watch it stream down your face and stain the sleeve of your Alexander Wang t-shirt. Pull yourself together.
3. Plan a hot date night with your girlfriends
You’ve forgotten about your ex and finally stopped crying. You’ve showered and you’ve shaved your legs for the first time in a month; you look H-O-T. Head out to the bars with your girl friends and savor all the attenton you’re getting in your new, red dress. Raise your shot glass and give a big “Cheers” to your besties. They’re the only Valentine’s you need.
4. Don’t settle for a Valentine
A few drinks later you’re feeling a little desperate and a whole lot like you need to get laid. Maybe you’ll text that annoying kid from your history class (what’s his name again?) and see what he’s doing. Stop right there, girlfriend. If you wouldn’t do it while you’re sober, don’t even think about it while you’re drunk.
5. Get drunk, but no drunk texting
Now we never said you couldn’t get drunk, we’re just cautioning you to behave yourself. If you can’t control yourself, give your phone to your friend, leave it at home or throw it in the nearest garbage can. Let’s face it. The only person texting you is your mom anyway.