People-pleasing is like a full time job that offers minimal benefits and works you down to the bones. I know that people-pleasers do what they do out of the goodness of their heart and wanting to make others happy, but when is it considered excessive and unhealthy? From experience, I can testify that focusing solely on pleasing other people can lead you to neglect yourself. This can manifest itself into mental health problems and self image issues. Though I am no expert, here are a few things you can do that will help you break this potentially harmful habit.
Ask yourself if it is worth your valuable time
Imagine this scenario: it is the start of exam week, you have to dedicate yourself to studying, doing other school assignments, working, and going to club meetings. Your friends suggest you skip out on a night of productivity to go to a party. You hesitantly agree just to make them happy, even though you know it’s best that you stay in and do your homework or study. If doing something for the sake of someone else is going to hurt you in the long run in terms of your education and goals, perhaps it’s not worth it.
Focus on benefitting yourself first, and someone else second
My mom always told me that you are stuck with yourself for the rest of your life. At first I didn’t understand, but now I do. I took these words to heart, and adopted a new outlook on how I treat myself versus how I treat others. Sometimes it is worth it to place your own needs above someone else’s because you can always make it up to them, but you can’t necessarily always make it up to yourself. Certain opportunities and occasions only come once, and you want to make sure you are able to indulge in those for yourself.
Remember, You have a purpose outside of other people
This can mean many things to many people, but to me this means making myself proud and achieving the goals that I set for myself. Obviously, no one can go completely without the influence of others, but trying to prioritize what it is that you truly want without “running it past” others is important. Obviously, you want to accommodate other people when it is appropriate to do so, but often times this message is lost in translation when you put others on a higher pedestal than your own.
