Dear younger me,
I know you worry you will make the wrong decisions, but every mistake you make teaches you a valuable lesson about life. The friendships that end, the opportunities you miss and the moments you wish you could erase will shape who you are in the future. You are doing the best you can with what you know right now. – Alaina, 2026
If you value self-awareness and becoming the best version of yourself, you may struggle with self-forgiveness and self-love when reflecting on your life so far. Reflecting and letting go of the past can be very difficult, but it is important to realize that you were always doing your best with what you knew at the time! However, it is healthy to reflect on your behaviors and outcomes in life as long as you know how to balance reflection with self-compassion.
Why we are so harsh on our past selves
When we judge our past selves, we forget an important piece of the puzzle: we are judging decisions using knowledge that we did not have at the time. Our younger selves did not have the same maturity, experience, or perspectives. We may know now that a situation was negative, but when it was occurring, we were doing our best.
Disappointment and forgiveness can exist at the same time
In this case, noting a personal experience may help put this advice into perspective. Our younger selves may have stayed in a romantic relationship or friendship that we were warned away from or knew wasn’t right for us. We may feel as if we wasted our time, and that we should have listened to our gut instinct before things went south. It’s ok to feel this way about many situations in your past! In fact, reflecting on this situation and naming the things you would do differently now could help you in the future. At the same time, it could help you just as much to remind yourself that you are living your life for the first time, and you will have more chances in the future to make different decisions.
A practical exercise
If you don’t know how to let go of a past mistake or choice, try writing a letter to your younger self. Acknowledge what happened, reflect on what you learned, and offer compassion to her — the same compassion you would give to a close friend. When I did this, I realized I often treat myself more negatively than I treat anyone else in my life. I have so much love for others, but self-love can be hard to give. If you realize this about yourself as well, this practice could be helpful to repeat!
In conclusion, choose self-love
Growth doesn’t mean looking back and wishing you did everything differently. Instead, looking back to realize how far you have come can help you appreciate the lessons that got you to where you are today.
With love,
Our older selves
